Romantic Relationships – Are They Really Worth The Time?

 

Have you ever felt emotional pain so great that you thought your heart were crushing in on itself and pulling the perimeter of your chest wall with it? (mix a writer and a scientist, and that is the sentence you get)

Ever know that the “right thing” was to leave a relationship but it didn’t mean you weren’t suffering heartache from that residual love still in your body? I say “body” because I don’t WANT to feel this way. An attachment (not all together a healthful one) was formed, and now breaking it is more than just “deciding” in my mind to do so.

I see his glaring faults. I see his strengths. These used to weigh differently on my scales of decision but still . . . we all weigh and measure our partners, determining the value of the relationship. Yesterday, we rounded a new corner in this continuing saga of separation. I was biding my time before this point – trying to delay the upset of the actual physical separation, which includes much emotional pain, too.

 

I admit something that embarrasses me and makes me feel pathetic – I can hardly stand being alone. I’ve always been that way but hate the trait. Still, it is what it is. I have been in varying states of aloneness over the last 6 months but it is time to face the ultimate one – being physically alone and having no clear prospect of that changing.

I’m not sure why I can’t locate the “right” man for me. I don’t ask for much, really – nothing out of the ordinary. He just needs to be kind, honest, and loving. He should be affectionate and not ignore me. I need for him to be financially stable so I am not expected to solve all of his problems. I have a lot to give a partner. I am these same things that I ask for in a mate. I am very nurturing and kind. I’m generous and a loving soul. I’m honest.

Sounds like I’m writing a singles ad. Yuck.

Are relationships really worth all of this struggle? I have so much love to give – for me to be unable to share it seems a sad waste.