Tag Archives: divorce

New Relationship Advice

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Ever feel like you are living in a life that you didn’t plan?

Ever wonder how a spouse could hide negative traits so well for so long?

Ever wonder if you did the same type of hiding?

Women often are caught in a nasty web. They need personal fulfillment, want children, a career, and a doting husband. Guess what? Having it ALL is just not possible. That would mean perfection . . . which doesn’t exist.

Instead, we flail around – especially in our love relationships.  We hope for best, and then stick a toe in the water to test the chill factor. If the water’s warm, we go for it. If it’s tepid, we wait to see whether to step away or wade in.

If you got the warm water, and then jumped in face first, you might be regretting it before even a year’s anniversary arrives.

Please, ladies and young ladies, get to know Mr. Right before moving your pets in with him . . . before leaving your toothbrush next to his, and for god’s sake, live together long enough to realize his shortcomings!!! If I had it to do over (raising my kids), I’d not teach my kids to wait to have sex or to live with someone they loved before marriage. I would encourage it! Marriage is a huge step, and it’s expensive to reverse! So, do more than get your toe wet. Let your feet dangle in that water for the day while you chomp an apple and consider your future. There really is no rush – and if there is, get your life straight first before introducing a partner into it.

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(Welcome new subscribers! I see I’ve added about ten over the past week. Thank you for your interest. I’ll soon have a video blog on a YouTube station. I’ll print here when and where it will be).

 

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14 Steps – Get Over a Break-up

  1. Think through everything thoroughly, but not obsessively. Go ahead and mull it over, as many times as necessary, within reason. Consider all the reasons you two broke up. Even if it sometimes seems as if there wasn’t a good reason, there certainly was one – and probably more than one. Understand that you enjoyed being together for a while, but if the relationship was not what both you and your partner wanted for life, it would have ended eventually, no matter what. In this case, better sooner than later. Thinking about the reasons why it ended can make it much clearer to you that it takes two people to start a relationship, but just one discordant person is enough to end it. It may also help you avoid many missteps in the future if you can identify areas where you contributed to the demise of the relationship.

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1A.  Cry when you feel overwhelmed. It’s a good release! Holding strong emotions inside doesn’t make you a stronger person. If you feel the need to let out some tears, do it. When you’re finished, get back to the healing at hand.

 

2. Don’t rethink your decision. If the breakup was your decision, keep in mind that only thinking about all the good times you had with your partner may cause you to forget the reasons why you broke it off. By the same token, try not to second-guess the situation if the decision to end things was not yours. It’s very common to romanticize the good parts of the relationship, convincing yourself that maybe the bad parts weren’t so bad after all, that maybe you could just live with them. Or that maybe if your ex would know just how you feel, he/she wouldn’t want to break up after all. Don’t play this game with yourself. Accept the situation and work on moving forward.

 

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3.  Keep your space. Even if you and your ex have decided to stay friends, break away completely from each other right after the breakup. This means not seeing each other, not being around his/her family members, no phone calls, no e-mails, no text messages, no Facebook, and no IMs – not necessarily as a permanent measure, but until you feel that you can converse with him/her on a purely platonic level, without an ulterior motive (and yes, wanting to get back together counts as an ulterior motive). If he/she tries to convince you to see him/her, ask yourself honestly what the point would be. If you’re reliving the past by seeing him/her, it’s not hard to get caught up in the moment and it will be harder to let go again. You may have to have some contact in order to deal with the practical aspects of things like moving out, signing papers, etc., but try to limit this to what’s absolutely necessary, and then keep such calls/meetings short and civil.

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4.  Cope with the pain appropriately. It’s okay to feel like you have messed up – accepting responsibility for your mistakes or shortcomings is healthy. On the other hand, you must also accept that you are a good person, and that you did your best and you’re not the only one who made mistakes. Of course, a stage of denial is completely natural, but acceptance is the key to being able to start moving on.

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5.  Deal with the hate phase. This is when you want to just scream because your rage feels boundless. The amount of anger you feel depends on how antagonistic the split was, the circumstances, and how long it took to make the final break. You may resent your ex for wasting your time. You may realize that the breakup was inevitable (hindsight will reveal clues you failed to notice at the time). You may even feel a lot of anger towards yourself, but let go of that feeling fast! It’s a waste of time and energy to rip yourself apart over something you no longer have the power to change. There are so many positive things you can do with your emotions and energy. Although it may feel good to replace your feelings of love towards your ex with hate, this can still lead to complications and mixed emotions of love and hate which are never a good thing.

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6. Talk to your friends. You want people around you who love you and who will help you feel good about yourself. Surrounding yourself with compassionate, supportive friends and family will help you see yourself as a worthwhile person, and you’ll find it easier to get steady on your feet again with your loved ones around you in a comforting net.

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7.  Write all your feelings down. Write in a journal or try writing poems. The most important thing is to be absolutely honest and don’t edit yourself as you go. One of the best results of writing it all down is that sometimes you will be amazed by a sudden insight that comes to you as you are pouring it all out onto paper. Patterns may become clearer, and as your grieving begins to lessen, you will find it so much easier to understand valuable life lessons from the whole experience if you’ve been writing your way through it. No relationship is ever a failure if you manage to learn something about yourself. Just because it didn’t work out doesn’t mean it wasn’t a necessary part of your journey to becoming who you’re meant to be.

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8.  Make a list of reminders. One of the best tricks to help you stick to your resolve is to make a list of all the reasons your ex was not the one for you. Be ruthless and clear––this is not the time to be forgiving. What you’re doing is creating a picture for yourself that will call up an emotional response when you feel tempted to think that “maybe if you just did this or that, it would work out…” Write down what happened and how it made you feel, being clear about the things you never want to feel again. When you find yourself missing your ex in a weak moment, and think you might actually be getting too close to the telephone, get out this list, read it over a couple times, and then talk to yourself, “This is the truth of what it was like. Why would I want to go back and torture myself again?” If you’re caught in a low-self-esteem trap, thinking you don’t deserve better, imagine this happening to a friend of yours, and think what you would say to your friend: “Get as far away as you can! That relationship was no good for you!

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9.  Out with the old, in with the new. A breakup can signify a new beginning. Therefore, cleaning and organizing your personal space will leave you feeling refreshed and prepared for the new things to come. A mess can be overwhelming and depressing, and will just add to your stress level. The added bonus is that keeping busy with tidying your space doesn’t require a lot of brain power, but does require just enough focus to keep you from recycling pain. Occupying yourself with such tasks designed to make your life better and easier will also occupy your mind enough to help you through the residual pain. Clean your room, get some new posters, clean up the icons on your PC desktop. As insignificant as cleaning up sounds, it’ll make you feel better.

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10.  Remove memory triggers. There are all kinds of things that remind you of your ex––a song, a smell, a sound, a place. Once the grieving period has had some time to process, don’t dwell on painful feelings or memories. There are probably things that are pushing your buttons without your conscious recognition. Try walking around each room in your house with a box and removing things that make your heart ache or your stomach turn. Really focus and look carefully. You may realize that the little blue bird-shaped box sitting on the mantel has become pretty invisible for the last couple years, but when you take a conscious look at it, you notice that every time you turn towards that corner of the room and it catches your eye, you feel a sharp little pain in your solar plexus. It can work wonders to clear your space of all these triggers. If you have a keepsake, such as a watch or piece of jewelry that was given to you by your ex, and it’s a reminder of the good aspects of your relationship, there’s nothing wrong with keeping such a thing, but for the time being, try putting it away for later, when you’ve given yourself some time and space. Put these reminders far away from you, such as in a box in a place you’ll never go. Out of sight, out of mind.

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11. Find happiness in other areas of your life. Whether that means spending time with your friends and family, signing up for that class you’ve always wanted to take, or reading every book on the New York Times bestseller list, remind yourself that a relationship is one part of life, but even when you are in one, there are personal pleasures that you can always enjoy on your own. Indulge in those things now. As they say, the best revenge is living well.

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12.  Stay active. Exercise improves your mood and alleviates depression, and the distraction will help keep your mind off your situation. Go running outside, visit (or join) the gym, or just go for a walk, maybe with a friend, and think of releasing the anger or sadness with every step. If you don’t exercise regularly, here are some ways to motivate yourself to work out:

  • Do something small, right now. Going all the way to the gym, or getting decked out in your jogging gear, or doing whatever it is you feel you should be doing obviously seems like too much work. So just do ten push-ups or jumping jacks. Easy. And usually, it’s just enough to get your heart rate going a little bit, and make you feel like a little more exercise wouldn’t be so bad…
  • Get halfway there. If you want to go to the gym, but just don’t feel like it, at least just drive yourself to gym, and tell yourself that if you still don’t feel like working out, you’ll go home. Odds are, though, once you’re there, you won’t feel like driving home. (But if you do, that’s okay too. But you probably won’t.) Then tell yourself you’ll just walk on the treadmill for 10 minutes, even if your exercise routine involves much more. Just telling yourself to do one more thing, without having to commit to anything else, will make things much easier. And before long, your endorphins will take over.

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13.  Let go of the negative emotions. Understand that there is no benefit in holding on to heartache, regret, and hatred toward another person. Realize that although it is over, your relationship with that person was unique and special in a lot of ways. You can congratulate yourself for being brave enough to take a risk and fall in love, and encourage your heart that even though love didn’t work out this time, there will be a next time.

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14.  Remind yourself of the negative things. Not necessarily all negative, but the “turn-offs” of that person. For example, the less attractive you find them, the quicker you’ll get over them. Your mentality has to strictly be all bad characteristics about this person, without sounding hateful, or “hating” on this person. (Ex. his/her hair always had a funny smell to it, he/she never brushed his teeth, he/she never bought anything for my birthday, he/she had the ugliest smile I’ve ever seen, he/she had the most annoying laugh, etc).

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Here’s a quiz to see how much you remember! http://www.wikihow.com/Quiz/Get-Over-a-Break-Up

 

Other Tips:

  • Stop telling “the story.” How many times this week did you tell “the story” about how badly you were hurt and how horribly you were wronged? How many times a day do you think about this hurt? It is a stake driven into the ground that keeps you from moving away from this hurt.
  • Write a letter to your ex, but do not send it. Sometimes it just helps to get all of your feelings out. However, sending it is not a good idea. This letter is just for you, so write out everything you wish you could have said and be done with it. It doesn’t do any good to rehash the breakup over and over again, so just pretend you are telling them how you feel for the last time. Tell them how they hurt you. It doesn’t hurt to look back on the relationship and analyze how you changed for the better because of it! Tell them that too. This can help you let go of them, and realize that your relationship did have some positive effects. Ultimately, they make you who you are today.
  • If your ex has left you for another person then ask yourself: If s/he said s/he wanted you back, would you really want him or her? Would you ever trust him/her not to break your heart again? Would you be hurt, angry, distrustful when s/he is 10 minutes late calling you, wondering where she is, who he is with? Though you may believe that the answer to all your prayers would be a reconciliation with your ex, if it did happen, you might find that Mr. Spock from Star Trek was right when he said “You may find that having is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true.”
  • Remember that your ex may be trying to get over you, as well. Be sensitive to that, and keep your distance. If you’ve decided to stop seeing one another, do just that: stop.
  • Write a story. Think back to when your relationship with this person began, and document it from beginning to end. This may be very painful, but it will give you a broader perspective. When you get to the final chapter, finish off on a positive note and write “The End”. If you’re writing in a notebook, close it forcefully, take a deep breath, and put it on a bookshelf. If you wrote on looseleaf papers, fold them, put them in an envelope, and seal it. You may choose to keep the story, or you may choose to shred it or burn it. The very act of documenting your relationship and closing the book, however, will help you find closure emotionally.
  • Have a symbolic ceremony. People still hold funerals for the deceased whose bodies were never found, and you can still have a formal way to say goodbye to relationships that were never resolved. Gather all of the things that remind you of this person and burn them, or donate them to charity. Give a eulogy to the relationship, and say it out loud. 
  • Keep your dignity. Many times, it’s our own ego that causes the pain; we feel rejected and deceived, embarrassed. We doubt our self worth and adequacy. A breakup, especially one in which your partner has cheated on you, can really undermine your self-confidence and shake your self-esteem to the core. Help rebuild your inner stability by impressing yourself with accomplishment – volunteer, take a class, do things that remind you of your value as a person.
  •  Make a list of the good things that emerged as a result of this relationship. Look at the problem from a completely new angle; look at the positive side. See if you can identify 10 positive outcomes of this experience.

(Thanks to WikiHow. See link to full article herehttp://www.wikihow.com/Get-Over-a-Break-Up)

Romantic Relationships – Are They Really Worth The Time?

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Have you ever felt emotional pain so great that you thought your heart were crushing in on itself and pulling the perimeter of your chest wall with it? (mix a writer and a scientist, and that is the sentence you get)

Ever know that the “right thing” was to leave a relationship but it didn’t mean you weren’t suffering heartache from that residual love still in your body? I say “body” because I don’t WANT to feel this way. An attachment (not all together a healthful one) was formed, and now breaking it is more than just “deciding” in my mind to do so.

I see his glaring faults. I see his strengths. These used to weigh differently on my scales of decision but still . . . we all weigh and measure our partners, determining the value of the relationship. Yesterday, we rounded a new corner in this continuing saga of separation. I was biding my time before this point – trying to delay the upset of the actual physical separation, which includes much emotional pain, too.

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I admit something that embarrasses me and makes me feel pathetic – I can hardly stand being alone. I’ve always been that way but hate the trait. Still, it is what it is. I have been in varying states of aloneness over the last 6 months but it is time to face the ultimate one – being physically alone and having no clear prospect of that changing.

I’m not sure why I can’t locate the “right” man for me. I don’t ask for much, really – nothing out of the ordinary. He just needs to be kind, honest, and loving. He should be affectionate and not ignore me. I need for him to be financially stable so I am not expected to solve all of his problems. I have a lot to give a partner. I am these same things that I ask for in a mate. I am very nurturing and kind. I’m generous and a loving soul. I’m honest.

Sounds like I’m writing a singles ad. Yuck.

Are relationships really worth all of this struggle? I have so much love to give – for me to be unable to share it seems a sad waste.

10 Ways to Live with a Jerk

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1)      Stay very busy so you don’t have to address him often. Work, hobbies, outings with friends or family, outings alone, yard work, etc. will keep you occupied and productive.

2)      Pretend he is just a roommate who pays “rent” each week. The income is pretty nice.

3)      Plan ahead to reach your ultimate goals. Education, job, living arrangements. Write down what you want/need and then follow – step by step. Once you turn the boat over, chaos will ensue, so have a plan first.

4)      Meet with a good friend and vent when you need to release steam or seek advice. Or try blogging. It’s an amazing stress reliever.

5)      Stop thinking about how things “should” be. They are what they are.

6)      Improve yourself – physically, mentally, and spiritually. You are deserving of wonderful things.

7)      Love on your cats or dogs. They love you unconditionally and like when you show them you feel the same.

8)      Speak to the jerk when passing in the hallway, meeting in the kitchen, or sitting in the same room.

9)      Learn to un-care about said jerk. What once was love has obviously become a convenience of living arrangements – sharing the bills so to speak.

10)   Realize that you are worthy of real love and a partner who will dote on you and appreciate you.

 

Get out ASAP if there is violence but if not, and you want to plan a smoother exit route, follow the steps above.

I am not a medical professional. Do not consider my advice as professional.  😉

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I Do Not Need A Man To Make Me Happy!

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Divorce has been tough these last several years. A new relationship after that has become stale and sad, as well.

I have always been fearful of being alone/lonely. I hated it when I first divorced, and dusk was the worst!

Well, I’m a little older and realizing that I’d rather have social engagements with friends and girl friends than having to live with a man who isn’t as committed to my happiness as I am to his.

So . . . it’s the beginning of a new era for me. The time of courage, branching out, change, and happiness.

Wish me luck. It’s an uphill climb.

Love you, my readers, my friends

 

I Can’t Say it Enough – A Poem

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(Just found this poem in my Drafts section. I thought I’d publish it. It was during a time of grief, and it shows. For JM.)

I’m so sorry. I can’t say it enough.

Once an act is acted, there’s no unacting.

Once hurt, don’t count on mending.

Once cruel, there’s no forgetting.

Our common path cracked, and we were on opposite sides of it; our once road-to-Oz then lead nowhere.

Anguish, distress, grief and mourning are compatriots to guilt; all are my companions. In every season, in every town, in every moment I have alone with myself . . . these sit so near me that they touch my skin and pressure my shoulders; all remind me of my transgressions.

In your eyes I see hurt that I caused. Who knew I could hold such evil? Such power over others’ lives?

I’m so sorry. I can’t say it enough.

Romantic Relationships Make Me Sick

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Relationships, the romantic kind, make me sick.

My marriage started out wonderfully and lasted that way for almost 20 years. The last six or so were the years I failed to see the pings, knocks, and engine light being on. By the time I actually saw the problems in our relationship, it was far too late to do much about it. Not that we could have fixed anything if we’d caught it several years before . . . it just would have been nice not to have been blindsided by the truth when it hit.

Now divorced for almost five years, I have a boyfriend. We started out wonderfully (sound like the paragraph above?) but are pinging and knocking. The engine light isn’t on but I wonder how long until I’ll either need to take this rig by a shop or sell it.

Romantic relationships make me ill. I’ve had severe depression, much anxiety, and ongoing apathy about my future – all since I woke up and realized life isn’t fair and won’t stay static. Everything’s always changing. I don’t like change unless I initiate it! So, I find myself wondering if this man who’s living with me is a person I’m supposed to be with.

I stopped going to church, something I had done three times a week for two decades, almost five years ago. Actually, I lost all faith. That is saying something big, as I was a Christian to the bone. It just died, and I can’t seem to get it back. I long for those days when I had faith . . . when I was sure what life was and was sure who God was. I was sure the Bible held all the answers I would ever need. Then, the “break” happened. My mental break from the life I was in. Boy, what a mess I made of everything. Anyone whose life touched mine was affected; those poor, poor people.

So, back to the romantic relationships ~ I’m so disappointed that this one doesn’t seem to be working out. We had so much fun and so much the same types of feelings and interests. Now, the small things he does (or doesn’t do) irritate me, and he is a different man than the one I got to know and love a few years ago.

I’m wondering if I should go to a church service in the morning. Mother’s Day is tomorrow. Services will likely be busier than usual. Maybe I’ll wait.

I came home from running errands to find my love interest is gone. His son is living here for a while, and they are gone. No note, no text, nothing. This won’t last for long. I’d rather be alone than living like this.

Relationships, the romantic kind, make me sick.

Divorce Rates Among the Graying Population

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The divorce rate among those 50 and over – so-called “gray divorces” – has more than doubled over the last two decades, according to a study released this year by sociologists at Bowling Green State University.

That study, called “The Gray Divorce Revolution,” predicted the number of post 50 divorces could easily surpass 800,000 per year by 2030. In comparison, more than 600,000 people age 50 and older got divorced in 2009 – or one in four; in 1990, only one in 10 people 50 and older got divorced.

The study also found that those over 50 in a second or third marriage (as opposed to a first) have a 150 percent greater likelihood of divorcing.

The issue of gray divorces has been in the spotlight recently thanks to the breakup of long-time celebrity couple Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman, who split this year following 30 years of marriage. But plenty of other celebrity couples have called it quits including Jessica Lange and actor-writer Sam Shepard, who parted ways in 2009 after 27 years together, as well as Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon, who split in 2009 after 23 years together.

Licensed psychotherapist Rachel Sussman (author of The Breakup Bible: The Smart Woman’s Guide to Healing from a Breakup or Divorce”) said there are many reasons behind the uptick in gray divorces.

“Boomers’ quest for happiness in their lives, empty nest, women working and having more financial independence and confidence, people living longer … all are reasons,” she said.

Other experts point to the ability of people to easily reconnect with those from their past via social media — as well as hook up with potential partners via online dating sites — as a contributing factor. Indeed the number of dating-site users 50 or older has grown twice as fast as any other age group over the past year, according to comScore.com.

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“People divorcing in their 50s have made it through the raising-little-kids-boot-camp phase of marriage when no one gets their needs met but the children,” said Pamela Zivari, an attorney and conflict resolution professional. “Fifty-year-olds leave usually not because of a tragedy, but because they are unfulfilled.

“Unlike people in their 30s and 40s who want to start over from the very beginning, divorcing 50-year=olds have usually made a sober assessment, ‘does this relationship, on balance, bring me enough happiness and security that I will forego the heartbreak and uncertainty I would create for all the family members if I decided to jump ship at this stage?’” she said.

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According to a 2004 AARP survey, 66 percent of divorces among people ages 40 to 69 are initiated by women.  The same survey found that infidelity wasn’t the overriding catalyst. Just 27 percent of those seeking a gray divorce cited infidelity among their top three reasons for doing so — which is on par with estimates of infidelity as a factor in divorce in the general population.

(This article is in full presentation at the link below. This blog merely presents portions of the longer article. It is not my original writing but that of huffingtonpost.com)

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/01/saving-your-marriage-how-_n_2015943.html#slide=more226917

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(My addition)

Still-successful celebrity marriages are an encouragement. See some of them below:

Denzel and Pauletta Washington – 29 years

Billy and Janice Crystal – 42 years

Jerry Stiller and Ann Meara – 58 year

Samuel L. Jackson and LaTanya Richardson  – 32 Years

Ringo Starr and Barbara Bach -31 Years

Ann-Margret and Roger Smith -45 Years

Suzanne Somers and Alan Hamel -35 Years (talk and great sex)

Mark Harmon and Pam Dawber – 25 years

Sissy Spacek and Jack Fisk – 38 years

Sam Elliott and Katharine Ross – 28 years

Richard Benjamin and Paula Prentiss – 51 years

Meryl Streep and Don Gummer – 34 years

Bill and Camille Cosby – 48 years

Alan and Arlene Alda – 55 years

Christopher and Georgianne Walken – 43 years

What Do You Choose?

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Choices – that’s what life is – choices

 

What do I want . . . for lunch, to do on my day off, to watch on TV, to stand for, to leave for my children, to weigh, to do with my hair, to do about politics, etc

Who do I  . . . love, trust, respect, care whether they like me, help, learn from, teach, laugh with, cook for, clean up after, believe, get to fix my car, etc

Where do I  . . . call home, go when I die, want to eat, shop, go to school, try to find a job, dance, sing, cry, etc

When do I . . . call it quits, speak up for my beliefs, tell the truth, tell a lie, begin living the life I’m supposed to live,  stop denying/abusing and start facing, get a turn to be happy AND secure financially at the same time, etc

Why do I . . . second guess myself, think others have more rights than I, assume things, not feel pride at who I am, want to go back to being ignorantly in the dark and not a responsible woman, love cats so much, seem captivated by mermaids, love the ocean, love fried oysters, love to write, love to love, etc

 

Just look how many choices there are in life. These questions only covered a fraction of what our minds process daily. Just taking care of our basic needs is a balancing act!

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I am exhausted at the end of some days just by how many things my mind had to organize and compartmentalize. Being a college student and a woman in the throes of perimenopaue is hard enough. On top of it all, I must deal with good friends who are either divorcing, have financial troubles, or are physically ill. Life ain’t easy! How easy it would be to accidentally jump the tracks! But I want to BE here for the friends and family I love. I want to make a difference in their lives – even if I’m “busy.”

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Now for some strategies on HOW TO DEAL!

Do you think we are put here to serve a higher calling? Perhaps some of us are naturals at nurturing, teaching, fixing all things mechanical, listening. Others may be able to give monetary help, offer prayer, or spend an afternoon a week with someone who needs a friend.

The point is that no matter how “busy” we are, if we choose to make time to help someone else . . . we are 100% better for having done it, and the other person is, as well! THAT is what life is about – not plodding along day after day to make our wages and to live for the week-ends.

There is SO much more to us than we ever give away! Instead of feeling fatigued by having to give of myself, I am energized! Try it, please. You’ll make new friends, learn some things about yourself and others, and much more. Remember Forrest Gump? He took every opportunity to say YES to whatever came his way. Remember the movie Yes Man? Same idea. Remember Pay it Forward? Let’s get off our ever-fattening American butts and improve a few lives around us.

It’s all about our choices. I choose to be helpful, loving, trusting (even if I get hurt sometimes), and present in my life.

What do you choose?

 

 

Fear is Locked in the Heel of My Shoe

For the first time, I’m waking up in the morning and heading to a week’s training for a nonprofit organization’s 11-month program. I’ll need to train in different areas to be effective in my position. I am excited and scared at the same time.

It’s like the first day of school again. Can I  actually DO this job? Will I show people that I’m really dumb behind this smile? Can I learn quickly enough? I have to share my room with another woman, will I snore too much with this awful head cold? How embarrassing. Will I sleep at all? I do have insomnia.

If I focus on the positive difference I can make in others’ lives, I will do well. If I focus on learning fire safety, CPR, First Aid, teaching skills, etc – then when I teach them to others, I will be effective. That’s how I’ll get through this frightening and intimidating period.

There was a time not so long ago that I dove head first into projects – never questioning whether I would be able to finish them or do a good job.  I just “knew.”

 

 

 

 

However, with age and a few failures behind me, I am tentative in approaching new situations. I don’t like this about myself but maybe it’s offering less room for mistakes.

Since a divorce, I’m out of touch with my physical self (gained weight and unsure on my feet) and out of synch with my “new life.”

A friend told me to take my days one at a time. To take my hours one at a time. To not think of ten miles up the road but of right now. That is good advice, I think.

What do I want from my life now that I’m in the last half of it? I want to be of service to people in need. I want to be a decent mother to my grown kids. I’d like to be an attentive daughter. I’d love to stop being afraid of every flippin’ thing around me, too. It gets very old – especially when you aren’t used to feeling that way (my life took a 180 about 5 years ago, and I have been on shifting ground since).

So, I’ll pack tonight, get up at 4:30 in the morning, shower off the fear and slip into comfy clothes. I’ll enter my training with willingness to learn, eagerness to make new friends, and determination to keep fear locked in the heel of my shoe – where it can’t access ANYone. 😉