I lived for 44 years, doing what was expected of me. I was a “good little girl,” then I was a “good wife and good mother and good church-goer.”
I am now almost 3 years into being separated then divorced, and I’m starting to feel comfortable in my own skin. Try that on for size! A 47 year old woman is just finding out what she likes, dislikes, and what coping skills she needs and should get rid of. Thank god for my gifted counselor and for highly competent doctors. My hormones are (generally) balanced. My seratonin levels are much improved, so the crippling depression has abated. I can again form a full sentence and finish a thought. I’m doing well!
However, upon my rebirth, there are individuals who judge me and who, I’m sure, are disppointed in me. I have this to say to them, “Lay off! Keep your somber looks and self-righteous, Christian attitudes and lifestyles to yourself.” Is that too aggressive? Then, I’d say, “Each person is responsible for her own happiness in life. Mine happens to be attained in a different way than yours. Let’s not judge one another.” (That better?)
Actually, it’s been a long road to get to my current improved self-esteem. I started with veeeery low self-worth. So, I’m excited about making such progress. I won’t back down from what I want. I will smile at someone who thinks I’m irrational, immature, or unsavory – then I do what I want anyway.
Life is too damn short to take orders from a spouse, church, parent, friend, society. I have to now be my own woman, achieve my own successes, face my own failures. At the end of the day, I face only me, and I want “me” to be happy.
It’s difficult to know that my family and old friends don’t like (or necessarily approve of) my life these days. However, those who truly love me have stayed around me and still want me to be healthy and happy. They’d just rather I do things “their” way.
Sorry, but, I’m not sorry.