Tag Archives: valentines

Emotional Detachment Can be Good for You

Time away to process her thoughts

 

(By Esther Neptune on keen.com)

 

Valentine’s season is right around the corner!  Every year, I listen to friends describe the hopes, dreams and expectations they have for this wonderful month of love. But what happens if those expectations are unmet?  How do you deal with the negative emotions that result?

Learning how to detach from your emotions, and look at them under the microscope, can help maintain your love for self in the wake of disappointment.  This can apply to situations outside of our love lives as well.

What is Detachment?

The Oxford Dictionary defines detachment as “a state of being objective or aloof.” Objectivity calls us to think outside the box of emotions and consider life as it is, rather than how we would want it to be. Aloofness is a state of tuning out emotionally and is more avoidant than objectivity.

When is Attachment Unhealthy?

We are all attached to people, places, goals, ambitions and statuses in our lives. To some degree, this is normal and healthy. It becomes unhealthy when potential loss creates negative emotions that interfere with our daily lives.

For example, let’s say you went out on a date and got to know a very interesting person. You exchange thoughtful conversation and have a great deal in common. You haven’t felt this connected to anyone in years!

After the date, you don’t hear from the person for three days. You are frantic, anxious, and obsessed with when you may hear from him next. Relief hits when you hear back. However, the cycle has potential to start over again if those fears aren’t addressed.

 

How Do I Know if I’m Too Attached?

Let’s start first by examining what happens in normal attachments. When you care about someone, it’s healthy to wonder from time to time how they are doing. It is also healthy to send out intentions to the Universe on their behalf for their well-being.

Excessive attachment is when a person, status, or goal becomes your entire reason for being. These issues may be rooted in childhood. For example, a young lady struggling to win approval in her career as an adult have been chided by her parents for not bringing home a report card with straight A’s. Feeling the failure of this disappointment, she continues to beat up on herself, which further depletes her energy.

How Do I Practice Detachment?

  1. Take Inventory

The first step is to do an inventory of people, places, and things in one’s life that may have become all-consuming. Try to be as candid and honest with yourself as possible while making this list. Remember that you can’t change what you don’t bring to light with yourself.

  1. Analyze Your Attachment Patterns

After taking inventory, analyze the patterns of who and what you attach most to. Are the people in your life that you gravitate towards those you can “rescue” or “save?” Or are you repeatedly drawn to emotionally unavailable people? Are the jobs, goals and careers you pursue either too easy or too difficult?

  1. Ground Yourself

Develop a relationship with a Higher Power of your own understanding. This can go outside the boundaries of religious tradition. When a person makes this decision, it lessens the degree of unhealthy attachment.

  1. Be Inspired by Everyday Life

Take a walk. Go shopping. Go out to eat and mingle with the wait staff. The bottom line is to make sure you’re doing something daily that breaks the mold of your routine. Choose to incorporate activities that don’t hinge on expectations of anyone else. Embrace the uncertainty rather than hold onto the “certain,” because life is never certain!

  1. Practice Daily Self-Love Rituals

Remember that if you choose to love yourself first, healthy attachments with others will naturally follow. Choose to do one loving, positive thing for yourself daily.  Get a massage, take an Epsom salt bath, exercise, eat well!

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Her Eyeball Popped Out

fake_eyeball

 

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye goes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air and hands it back.

‘Oh my, I am so sorry,’ the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. ‘Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.’

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterward they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible! ‘You know,’ he said, ‘you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?’

‘No,’ she replies …’You just happened to catch my eye.’

 

Mr. Right

I have a very romantic and thoughtful boyfriend. I share this with my readers because some may wonder if a man like Jerry actually exists. He puts up with a lot from me. I am not moody on purpose. It’s perimenopause, depression, and life’s general ups and downs at the moment. I’m 47 and feeling it.

Whomever said older is wiser . . . is makin’ me mad.

 I’ve been moody for over a week. Close to two weeks, actually. Jekyll and Hyde-ish. My boyfriend is a saint. He drew me a bath, filled with bubbles, and he lit a candle near the edge of the tub. Taking my hand in his, he led me to the warm bathroom. The hot water dissolved the day’s tension from my neck and shoulders. The bubbles tickled my nose and got my cat playing with them. It was soothing. Just what I needed. How did he know?

Another time Jerry showed his thoughtfulness (in spite of my nastiness) was on a beach vacation we took in 2008. Our condo was on the third floor and faced the ocean. Nothing between us and the water except white Destin sand. After Jerry and I had a small argument, I huffed to the bed and buried my head under a pillow. He put on his swimsuit and grabbed a towel and left. I wanted to go to the water. Why didn’t he ask me? Jerk! About thirty minutes later, he came  back. He busied himself in the kitchen while I went to the large patio to sip a cold Sprite. Couples held hands and walked along the water’s edge. Children yelled and splashed in the bluegreen water. My gaze caught a pattern in the sand below my balcony. There, in five-foot letters, were the words “I love Ree.” That’s me! My nickname anyway. Jerry had expressed his love in the sand where every single condo resident could see it. My jewel of a man had once again surprised me.

He does laundry, cleans the kitchen, cooks dinners, vacuums, and takes out the trash. What a help! So, single ladies, there is hope. Good men are out there.  😉