Tag Archives: fat

Why I Do Not Lose 100 Pounds







I chose a seal as my opening photo today because I feel like a seal today. I lumber around with a limp because I pulled a hip muscle at work. Never mind the knee injury I was already nursing.

I have 100 pounds to lose but won’t actually “do” it. It’s not because I don’t know how or that I have no willpower. I realized (while driving in rush hour traffic) just why I don’t lose these many extra pounds. It blindsided me when I was thinking about the dysfunctional relationship I have with my boyfriend and how I wanted to change my life.

The reason I won’t lose weight is because when I’m thinner, I get a lot of attention from men, and I’m not always good at handling that attention. I SAY I’d love to try it! However, deep inside my mind I know that the last time I was thinner I didn’t handle it well at all. I won’t go into it but my behavior was erratic.

So, now that I know why I sabotage my diets, I can do something about it. I need to trust myself and know that I can and will be just as strong of a woman no matter what my size. My health is suffering greatly right now. I want to start a video blog . . . a vlog . . . on YouTube. I just moved into a new house, though, and need time to get settled before learning the new camera and tripod I bought recently.

Here’s to being present in my own life. To living in the moment. To health.

(Plus, I’m still a member of Weight Watchers online. May as well use it. LOL)

The Video Recorder For Vlogging!

vlog_cameraI’ve been doing much homework on which video recorder I want to start a video blog (vlog) with. It’s been tedious and boring at some points but I finally found the one! The Sony HDR-CX260V High Definition Handycam, 8.9 MP Camcorder with 30x Optical Zoom and 16GB Embedded Memory – in black – the 2012 model!

I also got a 72″ sturdy tripod.

I suppose I’m ready to vlog when they arrive. Do I have a special reason for vlogging you ask? YES, I do! I am going to chronicle my weight-loss of over 100 pounds! I’m taking viewers along with me every step of the way. It’ll keep me honest and on track.

By mid-July, my first vlog should be available (I don’t get the camera for a week and will then be on a mini-vacation). I hope you’ll follow my vlog and make plenty of comments to keep me encouraged and on track!

The site is already up. Take a look and please subscribe. You won’t be sorry!




Vlogging – A New Endeavor

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAI’m visiting my parents in East Texas. I needed a get-away badly, and this was just the trip.

I’ve had a busy week, and it’s only Thursday. I say busy but it’s not been busy as in physical work but in life decisions. I’ve been organizing my thinking and the way I approach things – a much needed spring cleaning. ūüėČ

I have decided to start with the most pressing issue – that most affects my day-to-day life – major weight loss. I have 100-lbs to lose and haven’t been able to face it. Denial of it hasn’t worked for me (duh). So, I’m beginning a vlog next week and will take interested viewers with me on the journey. I’ll post my YouTube channel when I begin the trek, so any of you who want to follow may do so. I actually look forward to it. I see where my being accountable to someone else could keep me going.

Something has to be done because I’m making my boyfriend’s life unbearable with my hormone fluctuations, unhappiness with ill-health, and general fatigue that makes me moody. Sooo, it’s time to get fit (I’m grumbling at having to do it but know I’ll be happy later).


Fat and Unhealthy, Wake up America

Why is everyone in America getting larger and larger?¬†Junk food and lack of exercise. No it’s not genetic. That is a very rare occurrence.

I watched Forks over Knives last night (www.forksoverknives.com) and realized that I need to change – to help myself AND the environment.

Have you watched this film? It’s on Netflix (www.netflix.com). I’m sure you can rent it at a video store. Watch it, please.

I’m just sharing the goodness (watch it).




Fat, Fat, Fat

When did too much adipose cause us to lose our feminine shape and our healthy bodies? In the 1950s there were many, many fewer overweight women than in 2012.

I want my lean body back. I’ve lived with the rolls, the jiggles, and children’s giggles. I’m tired of the looks, reading self-help books, and hiding in nooks – well, large nooks.

Here¬†I sit brooding ’cause I did too much chewing! I have bad moods ’cause my belly protrudes . . . past¬†my boobs.

This body needs to move, so my mom will approve. I’m an embarrassment.

I don’t like being fat, overweight like my cat, who¬†lives¬†like that? So, I get on a prayer mat with a cocked hat (gotta look cool) and plead.

I long to feel whole, not playing a role. I’m not an actress. I’m setting a goal. I’m now on a roll . . . for now. I’ll need food patrol to slap that eggroll outta my hand.

Wire my mouth shut to¬†shrink my butt? No thanks. I’d only drink chocolate shakes.

Walk the dog, the stinking mutt.¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†¬†I can’t, I have a cat.

I’ll¬†take laps in the pool¬†and tan . That sounds like a plan!

If I can’t lose, I’ll¬† surely move to Istanbul.¬†Attend culinary school!

Bathe in a wading pool. Who cares?!

Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall

Physical beauty. I used to have it and the attention it evoked from other people. I never had to carry my own packages to the car, pick up a dropped purse, or wait for long in line. People bent over backwards to be my friend or show me positive attention.

So, I don’t want to hear a “beautiful person” say they have it bad.¬†I’m now much older and much¬†rounder. I’ve aged, as well. I don’t command the attention from others as I once did. So, I can say I’ve been on both sides of the¬†beauty vs average comparison.

I’d much prefer the beauty. I’m thinking about crash dieting (not the unhealthy kind, but just veggies, beans, and fruits) to lose a lot¬†of weight, so I can once again be more accepted in¬†society. No, it isn’t fair, and I have lived many years as an overweight woman to try to “prove” something to myself. The only thing I proved was that beauty still wins.

Yes, I have a quirky personality and draw others to me. I truly love other people, though, and I think it shows.

Deborah Rhode, a law professor at Stanford University, cited¬†a survey in which over half of young women said they would prefer to be hit by a truck than be fat. (The Economist, 8/27/11). That is more true than people think. I asked some of my own girl friends that question. I said, “Really dumb or really ugly?” All took being beautiful and dumb over being intelligent and ugly.

(Psychology Today, Ten Politically Incorrect Truths About Human Nature, By Alan S. Miller, Ph.D., Satoshi Kanazawa, Ph.D., published on July 01, 2007 – last reviewed on June 18, 2009)

Men like blond bombshells (and women want to look like them)

Women’s desire to look like Barbie‚ÄĒyoung with small waist, large breasts, long blond hair, and blue eyes‚ÄĒis a direct, realistic, and sensible response to the desire of men to mate with women who look like her. There is evolutionary logic behind each of these features.

Men prefer young women in part because they tend to be healthier than older women. One accurate indicator of health is physical attractiveness; another is hair. Healthy women have lustrous, shiny hair, whereas the hair of sickly people loses its luster. Because hair grows slowly, shoulder-length hair reveals several years of a woman’s health status.

Men also have a universal preference for women with a low waist-to-hip ratio. They are healthier and more fertile than other women; they have an easier time conceiving a child and do so at earlier ages because they have larger amounts of essential reproductive hormones. Thus men are unconsciously seeking healthier and more fertile women when they seek women with small waists.

Men may prefer women with large breasts for the same reason they prefer women with small waists. A new study of Polish women shows that women with large breasts and tight waists have the greatest fecundity, indicated by their levels of two reproductive hormones (estradiol and progesterone).

Blond hair is unique in that it changes dramatically with age. Typically, young girls with light blond hair become women with brown hair. Thus, men who prefer to mate with blond women are unconsciously attempting to mate with younger (and hence, on average, healthier and more fecund) women. It is no coincidence that blond hair evolved in Scandinavia and northern Europe, probably as an alternative means for women to advertise their youth, as their bodies were concealed under heavy clothing.

Women with blue eyes should not be any different from those with green or brown eyes. Yet preference for blue eyes seems both universal and undeniable‚ÄĒin males as well as females. One explanation is that the human pupil dilates when an individual is exposed to something that she likes. For instance, the pupils of women and infants (but not men) spontaneously dilate when they see babies. Pupil dilation is an honest indicator of interest and attraction. And the size of the pupil is easiest to determine in blue eyes. Blue-eyed people are considered attractive as potential mates because it is easiest to determine whether they are interested in us or not.

The irony is that none of the above is true any longer. Through face-lifts, wigs, liposuction, surgical breast augmentation, hair dye, and color contact lenses, any woman, regardless of age, can have many of the key features that define ideal female beauty. And men fall for them. Men can cognitively understand that many blond women with firm, large breasts are not actually 15 years old, but they still find them attractive because their evolved psychological mechanisms are fooled by modern inventions that did not exist in the ancestral environment.

So, my summation is, if you look good, you have it easier finding a partner¬†in life. If you look good, you are treated positively; people are more willing to be friends with you, trust you more, be more open to you. People who look good¬†have better chances¬†at moving up in companies¬†than unattractive people. I know these things from experience – either my own or friends’.

As sad as it is, I’m going to buy into our society’s preferences, and I’m going to get healthy and look good again. Yes, it’s shallow to judge others by appearance, but appearance is also the first way to size up an individual. Fact is fact. We all do this sizing up when we meet someone.

It’s off to the kitchen for me. I’m making a low-cal dinner. Ciao till next time!