Tag Archives: denial

Denial, Floods, and Small Talk

Denial – the action of declaring something to be untrue

I deny so well that if the behavior were an Olympic sport, I’d have the Gold. Actually, no, we’d all be in the running for the Gold medal.

In this post, I’m wondering why most of us  walk around acting like we are perfectly fine, our world is 100% on track, and nothing is bothering us. We smile and exchange pleasantries but are inside often lonely, hurting, frustrated, confused, or angry. Why can’t we open up more with one another?

 

flood_cafe_venice

 

“You doing okay these days?”

“Oh, yeah. Great. You?”

“Sure thing. How are the kids?”

 

 

 

 

The older I’ve gotten, the more open and honest I’ve become. It’s liberating yet embarrassing at times – because others don’t share their weaknesses or what’s wrong in their own lives. Leaves me feeling alienated, y’know, or different from the norm? What really “is” the norm?  I admitted to starting on antidepressants again the other day to a friend. She blurted out that she’s on about three! I felt closer to her immediately. The honesty was air-clearing.

Ever feel completely overwhelmed? I did about a month ago (when I got back on antidepressants). I felt like I was drowning in a flood of cold, dirty water but nobody paid attention. I realized I was denying my feelings to those closest to me, trying to make the bad feelings go away. But they didn’t. I reached out for help . . . before my chimney went under. 😉

flood_rooftop

 

So, can we try to reach out to one another more? Share our truths more? I won’t judge you; I promise! I may suggest a counselor but I’d never judge you. 🙂  Let’s stop “pretending” everything is okay and going about our days in denial about how much something may be bothering us or altering our lives. Stop biking in the flood, my friend, and admit there are about two feet of water at your feet! The rest of us will help you dry off and find a canoe.

flood_bicycling

Creeping, Sneaking

Stuff it. Hide it. Ignore it. Deny it. Hold it off. Push it away.

Like an ostrich or a child’s game – it’s not there if you pretend it isn’t.

Til one day you aren’t paying attention, and it creeps into your consciousness. Damn! Once it’s in the present, pushing it back takes time and effort and tears.

You can try to eat it away. Spinach dip, fritoes, M & Ms, salad, diet soda, meatballs – nothing really works. You’re only too-full AND still depressed, sad, alone in the world.

Depression is a bitch. She sneaks into unused spaces in your head and waits, poised, ready to strike when least expected.

Take a Tums, watch a couple of sitcoms. Nope.

Waste time on ebay, a vintage necklace is nice. No.

No energy. No drive. Worthless. Hopeless. Angry that it’s back. But, it isn’t as severe this time. Won’t last.

Didn’t last. Thank god. No more looking at old photos, letters, and greeting cards from dear loved ones. You knew better. Thought you could push the envelope and sort through an old box. Good try. Next time, don’t let there be a next time.