Tag Archives: change

Boxes, Cat Poo, & Sore Thighs

moving_boxes

Hello Friends! We’ve finally moved into the new house! The U-verse guy came this morning to hook up the TVs and internet. Friday, the fireplace man installs a full new gas fireplace with remote control. I’ve unpacked 3/4 of the kitchen boxes, and I can shower without drying my body with a hand towel. 

The cats have settled in fairly well. Skittish Henry still hides a bit but will live. The birds are already feasting at the feeder on the back deck with Rigby (other cat) watching intently at the patio doors, tail swishing back and forth. He wants to pounce so badly.

Dave is watching One America News. Hilary and Bernie are hashing the same old crap. Baby Dixie (kitten) is napping in her cat tree, stretched out and happy to have been found by her rescue parents. I do believe we’re happy here. I sure am. I sit at the little round dining table with tulips centerpiece. Bright light streams in because it snowed a bit last night, and the sun reflects from it. My coffee is strong and hot. I’m still losing weight each week and feeling better and better since being off the hormone cream Dr #1 had given me (that’s a whole other blog idea). 

I’m a newlywed (4 months) and am blessed to have had two wonderful men in my life. Also two wonderful extended families. My current two step children, Crystal and Davy, are delights. My two kids, Sarah and Ben are my heart. I have smart, funny, cute grand babies who make my life fuller. I have a best friend, Leslie, whom I know will be by my side for anything. 

There is one negative; the cat box contains “Yesterday’s News” litter. It’s tightly bound paper that is shaped into pellets. There is no real odor control and no clumping. It’s because baby Dixie has been declawed and needs it for a few days. So, the smell near that bedroom is not always pleasant if I haven’t caught it in time. LOL

Well, it’s time to unpack some more. I’m sore in my legs and lower back but I carry on so I get these boxes emptied.  It feels good to be happy again after 7 years of depression, worries, and emotional abuse from a loser boyfriend (no, not my current spouse). 😉 Have a good week, folks, and stay warm! Love to you all ~

moving_couple

She Went From Fine to Dead in Three Weeks

friends

My sweet friend, Ann, a long time survivor of ovarian cancer was a published author of a nonfiction book on the subject of her ordeal and survival of that cancer. Her book was organized to help the cancer patient, her caregivers, and family. It was a fantastic compilation of biblical scriptures and uplifting advice from someone who had lived the disease and come out on the other side healthy!

She lived over a decade with much energy, fervor for life, a generous nature, helping others, and caring for her ailing parents and disabled husband.She gave me inspiration.

We, both, being writers, would set regular coffee dates and sit in out of the way booths with our laptops, paper, pens, books, and espresso-filled coffee concoctions. We laughed, shared the happenings in our lives, then we’d write for a bit and read the resulting masterpieces to each other for a quick critique or kudos. It was fun.

Then, I moved to Dallas to attend mortuary school and lost touch with Ann. When I finally moved back home, Ann and I didn’t get back in touch again. Our lives were full and changing. However, we “knew” the other was “there,” and that was somehow enough.

On November 4th, 2015, a fellow writer friend told me that Ann had suddenly passed away from cancer that had gone undiagnosed until it was too severe to treat. She was diagnosed, went into hospice care, and died within three short weeks. I didn’t know about it until she was gone.

I realize that true friendship doesn’t have to mean you see each other often or talk every day. You just have to know the other is nearby and just a call away. I knew that about Ann. I loved her, and I knew she loved me.

I wish I had taken the time to see her just for a coffee date, though. It would have been such a blessing to me now. I’m going to pay more attention to the people I love. I’m going to make it a point to tell them I love them. Life is too unstable, uncertain, and fleeting to assume anything.

Thank you, Rebecca Ann, for teaching me that lesson. God bless you my dear.

 

Curve Balls – Expect the Unexpected

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Why does life throw unexpected curve balls when you’re sitting comfortably in the bleachers, minding your business, enjoying a plump hot dog – then, BOOM! The ball has too much curve and bonks you in the head.

We never expect the unexpected. Why is that? It always comes, doesn’t it? Life is not perfect. Never will be – no matter how much we change our circumstances or behaviors.

I’m feeling like pouring a half-glass of wine . . . then drinking what’s left in the bottle.

Blending families is hard. Even when the “kids” are all grown. I thought by choosing an older mate and by ensuring our children were adults and on their own would allow us to focus on our own lives and enjoy- each other. That’s not how things always work.

One day, “things” change, and in creeps resentment like a legless zombie. Behind it – anger peeks around corners. Life begins to change.

Merging families. How do people do it every day in the United States? Doesn’t it exhaust everyone involved? Especially those with young kids involved.

I wish I could remove the heaviness from my spouse’s eyes and the grief from his chest. Not everything has a “fix,” I guess.

I’m tired, disappointed, confused. I hope you, my couple hundred blog followers, have found ways to blend your families and live fulfilling lives. XO

From Depression and Abuse To Happily Ever After

proud-of-self

I like the part that says, “you remember when you thought things were such a mess that they’d never recover.” I lived through 7 years of hopelessness after a divorce from a 25-year marriage. I saw absolutely no future for myself. One day, I had enough support and guts to lift my head from the sand and make a change in an area of my life that was a chronic problem – I broke off  an abusive relationship. It was a tough process that involved an eventual Order of Protection from the court. That made all the difference. The clouds parted, sun shone on my face, and I found purpose again. Yes, I like the sentiment above because I AM proud of myself and the person I fought to become.

It’s never too late to live happily ever after . . .

Smiley Flower Happy!

Depression – What a Difference a Day Makes

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I’ve been reading over past blog posts. Years ago, depression took over my life. I was also in a very unhappy, dysfunctional relationship that I thought was “ok.”

I went through almost eight years of depression. At times, I drank too much wine and smoked too many cigarettes. At times, I partied with new “friends” too much. It’s not a period of my life I am proud of.

However, I now see ( in hindsight) that I needed to go through those years to learn important lessons.

Just six months ago, I met a man like I’d not met before. He was eight years my senior and had a similar sense of humor as I. We hit it off from date one. Six months later, we were married! Yes, I’m a newlywed at age 51.

I am no longer wracked with stress-induced tight muscles all over my body. I no longer have frequent headaches. I am not a prisoner of my bed, and I made many new friends and am part of  many new activities. My new spouse helped change my circumstances in life. He gives me tenderness, kindness, security, affection, and loving words.

I no longer fight the deep depression I once did. I do still take my generic Zoloft, though. I’m in perimenopause and fight hormone highs and lows. Now, to treat that!

Have faith, friends. It may look like your on you’re last leg – with no other choices in sight. Then, BOOM! Life changes 180 degrees. I’m living proof. Seven months ago, I prayed I’d not wake up each morning. Today, I love waking to a loving smile, dinners with friends, volunteer work, and traveling! I love my new life.

What a difference a day makes. My day was March 22, 2015. 😉

My Own Trail of Tears – A Poem

crying-eye

Why do I leave a trail of tears wherever I trod?

Innocent people, undeserving of punishment but receiving it anyway . . . because of knowing me.

I try to be sincere. I try to be kind.

But I have a way of leaving a path of pain behind me as I push forward in life.

Shall I stand stagnant and still?

Do I drop and dismantle my desires?

Or carry on, hoping the poison I emit will eventually be used up and gone?

Tonight I cry . . . my own torrent of tears.

60 Quotes That’ll Change The Way You Think

In your quiet moments, what do you think about?  How far you’ve come, or how far you have to go?  Your strengths, or your weaknesses?  The best that might happen, or the worst that might come to be?  In your quiet moments, pay attention to your thoughts.  Because maybe, just maybe, the only thing that needs to shift in order for you to experience more happiness, more love, and more vitality, is your way of thinking.

Here are 60 thought-provoking quotes gathered from our sister site, Everyday Life Lessons, Everyday Life Lessons, Everyday Life Lessons, and from our blog archice our blog archive that will help you adjust your way of thinking.

  1. You cannot change what you refuse to confront.
  2. Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
  3. Don’t think of cost.  Think of value.
  4. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.
  5. Too many people buy things they don’t need with money they don’t have to impress people they don’t know.  Read Rich Dad, Poor Dad, Rich Dad, Poor Dad.
  6. No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying.
  7. If a person wants to be a part of your life, they will make an obvious effort to do so.  Think twice before reserving a space in your heart for people who do not make an effort to stay.
  8. Making one person smile can change the world – maybe not the whole world, but their world.
  9. Saying someone is ugly doesn’t make you any prettier.
  10. The only normal people you know are the ones you don’t know very well.
  11. Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it.
  12. The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.
  13. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company.
  14. As we grow up, we realize it becomes less important to have more friends and more important to have real ones.
  15. Making a hundred friends is not a miracle.  The miracle is to make a single friend who will stand by your side even when hundreds are against you.
  16. Giving up doesn’t always mean you’re weak, sometimes it means you are strong enough and smart enough to let go smart enough to let go and move on.
  17. Don’t say you don’t have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresea, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, Albert Einstein, etc…
  18. If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.
  19. Don’t choose the one who is beautiful to the world; choose the one who makes your world beautiful.
  20. Falling in love is not a choice.  To stay in love is.
  21. True love isn’t about being inseparable; it’s about two people being true to each other even when they are separated.
  22. While you’re busy looking for the perfect person, you’ll probably miss the imperfect person who could make you perfectly happy.
  23. Never do something permanently foolish just because you are temporarily upset.
  24. You can learn great things from your mistakes when you aren’t busy denying them.  Read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.
  25. In life, if you don’t risk anything, you risk everything.
  26. When you stop chasing the wrong things you give the right things a chance to catch you.
  27. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
  28. There isn’t anything noble about being superior to another person.  True nobility is in being superior to the person you once were.
  29. Trying to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.
  30. You will never become who you want to be if you keep blaming everyone else for who you are now.
  31. People are more what they hide than what they show.
  32. Sometimes people don’t notice the things others do for them until they stop doing them.
  33. Don’t listen to what people say, watch what they do.
  34. Being alone does not mean you are lonely, and being lonely does not mean you are alone.
  35. Love is not about sex, going on fancy dates, or showing off.  It’s about being with a person who makes you happy a person who makes you happy in a way nobody else can.
  36. Anyone can come into your life and say how much they love you.  It takes someone really special to stay in your life and show how much they love you.
  37. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.  Don’t save it for a special occasion; today is special.
  38. Love and appreciate your parents.  We are often so busy growing up, we forget they are also growing old.
  39. When you have to start compromising yourself and your morals for the people around you, it’s probably time to change the people around you.
  40. Learn to love yourself first, instead of loving the idea of other people loving you.
  41. When someone tells you, “You’ve changed,” it might simply be because you’ve stopped living your life their way.
  42. Someone else doesn’t have to be wrong for you to be right.
  43. Be happy.  Be yourself.  If others don’t like it, then let them be.  Happiness is a choice.  Life isn’t about pleasing everybody.
  44. When you’re up, your friends know who you are.  When you’re down, you know who your friends are.
  45. Don’t look for someone who will solve all your problems; look for someone who will face them with you.
  46. If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair, you’re fooling yourself. That’s like expecting the lion not to eat you because you didn’t eat him.
  47. No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life.  Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs.
  48. The smallest act of kindness The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention.
  49. Many people are so poor because the only thing they have is money.
  50. Learn to appreciate the things you have before time forces you appreciate the things you once had.
  51. When you choose to see the good in others, you end up finding the good in yourself.
  52. You don’t drown by falling in the water.  You drown by staying there.
  53. It’s better to know and be disappointed than to never know and always wonder.
  54. There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go.
  55. Happiness is not determined by what’s happening around you, but rather what’s happening inside you.  Most people depend on others to gain happiness, but the truth is, it always comes from within.
  56. If you tell the truth, it becomes a part of your past.  If you lie, it becomes a part of your future.
  57. What you do every day matters more than what you do every once in a while.  Read The Power of Habit. The Power of Habit.
  58. You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.
  59. Things turn out best for people who make the best out of the way things turn out.
  60. If you don’t like something, change it.  If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.

Photo by: Andrew Evans Andrew Evans

Ch Ch Ch Changes . . .

Well, today is the first day of autumn. Another milestone of the year passing and a new holiday season approaching. La Tee fricking Da. I’m so sick of changes in my life that I want to spit toward an old person, pinch a baby too hard, or throw rare library books!

My friend, J, reminded me that most the massive changes in my life over the last 4 years have been of my own choosing. She’s correct, as usual. She’s a smart lady.

Just because I chose the changes to reach goals, doesn’t mean I like the stress, depression, anxiety, and fatigue that go along with it all.

I applied hair color about thirty minutes ago and still have about ten minutes to process, so here’s my blog for the day:

How do I deal with Stress? Don’t say exercising or meditating! Those don’t work for me. I’ve been medicating here and there, but that’s not a healthful coping skill for the long term. A good, wracking cry really does take the edge off many times. I did that last night! My boyfriend, Jerry, invited me to cry on his broad, strong shoulder. I did. Left wet spots on his gray shirt. He didn’t care. That’s love for you.

With the Major Depressive Disorder diagnosis I got from my last Psychiatrist, I’ve come to recognize symptoms of overload when they rear their ugly heads. Now is one of those times. Even “retail therapy” doesn’t work. 😉

So, if you are one of my many readers who suffer from anxiety, depression, or similar disorder, hang on tight to someone or some thing. We know this will pass. We’ve been through it before and come out the other end. Doesn’t make it hurt any less, but at least we know the answer isn’t in the barrell of a pistol or the bottom of a pill bottle.

So, I’m telling myself and my readers, “Heads up!! It’ll improve!! Always has! Will again!”

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P.S. – My blog stats show that my once many hundreds of readers has dwindled to just several hundred. Duh, it’s my fault for not blogging regularly. I had to relocate to Dallas. Keep your eyes open for more often blogging. Oh, and keep your comments coming. I love reading them and publicly posting a few. XO!!

Starting Over – Again

Moving to Dallas wasn’t really a choice for me. I had to relocate to finish my degree in mortuary science. So, in the midst of therapy for depression and hormone adjustments for perimenopause, I decided to move to another state . . . with two cats and a kitten! I really AM a glutton for punishment sometimes.

So far, I’ve been lost half a dozen times, “turned around” at least 20 times, and locked out of my apartment’s electric gate on the only major stormy night the area has had in many weeks. I’d say change is good. I always used to say that. I still believe it to be true, but in small doses. A change here and there keeps life exciting – at least interesting.

Within the last four years, I’ve divorced, moved three times, started and stopped college three times, rescued a pregnant cat (twice), and have been “diagnosed” with Major Depressive Disorder. Duh! Who wouldn’t have depression and anxiety with all of those changes going on? I’m not even covering half of the happenings from the last few years on this page, either.

Here, I find myself in a one-bedroom apartment. 647 square feet, to be exact. I’ve auctioned off many of my belongings (and don’t really miss them) to fit into this small space. But, it’s updated, clean, and will soon feel like “home” (I hope).

At age 47, I’m kind of tired of changes happening in bunches. Don’t get me wrong, not all changes are bad ones. Both of my adult children are pregnant with their first children at the same time. My grandbabies will be only 4 months apart in age. That is a welcome change, but a huge change nonetheless.

Since childhood, I’ve not been a worrier. I’ve been an ignorer/denier. With that, comes forgetting important dates and appointments. So, no obsessing over issues, but neglecting to address them is just as harmful. Hey, if I don’t see it or think about it, it doesn’t exist, correct? Der, what a dumb coping skill I’ve picked up and kept for sooo long. That is one thing that is difficult to change . . . those old coping skills  . . . whether they worked or not.

Tomorrow evening, I’m going with an old high school friend and her grown daughter to House of Blues. We can reconnect, laugh, and hopefully, I’ll lose some of the mild depression that has been creeping into my head and chest.

So, onward and upward, right?

Till next time ~