Tag Archives: bipolar

Bipolar Mixed Episode . . . The Next Morning

tsunami2011B

The hours after a Bipolar Mixed Episode are like watching a scary movie. I keep my hands over my eyes and peek through my fingers. What unintentional damage did I do this time? Who did I reach out to and spill my (very personal) guts to? How many mean and demeaning things did I say to my husband? Did others notice my expression and down-turned eyes when I had to leave the dinner we were attending? If it hits me while I’m in public, I have to find a way out of the people because my mood definitely shows in my face. No playing “just fine” at these times. Many times, I’ll blog. Writing has always been my outlet. Even as a ten year old, I wrote “escape” poetry. I finally took you guys along with me last night during an episode (you lucky people). 😉  Well, today is a new day, and I broke the mood cycle with sleep. Life still isn’t perfect but at least I can deal with things differently today.

Bless you, my readers and subscribers. Have an awesome day ~

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Join Me in a Bipolar Mixed Episode

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It’s been a day of hard issues in my marriage. Please forgive my disjointed organization of thought. I’m taking you with me on a bout of Bipolar Mixed episode. I have depression paired with anxiety. I feel anger, rage actually. I want to die. Not to threaten it but to actually do the deed. I don’t because of my two kids and my mother. I love them too much to put them through a loss like that, so I’m stuck in this mental illness with no real way out. Meds work most of the time. Not tonight. I had wine with a Xanax. Supposedly a no-no but my body is so used to the Xanax that I only have a good buzz going. I feel lonely – like I am ultimately responsible for myself, and I hate that. I’ve always been a sheltered child and then woman. I can’t organized my thoughts to keep a job for longer than a year but also can’t receive government aid (for income). It’s a terrible cycle which causes me much anxiety and depression. My spouse and I have a couple of weak areas in our new marriage (of two years). This starts the bipolar/mania cycle. As I type, the words on the screen are blurry, and I make a lot of spelling errors. I long for the long seep. The end of all of these roller coaster of emotions. Meds can only do so much for me. I’ve dealt with this for 9 years. I’m TIRED of fighting with it. I hope i can sleep tonight. I hope when  wake, it’s a hopeful new day. But I don’t know. I hang in the abyss of a universe with stars blinking brightly, hurting my eyes. I float too closely to the planets. It’s sometimes hard to breathe in this dark vast space. Other times I get lungs full of fresh air. Hope is all I have. It stays somewhere deep in my core, a tiny flame that doesn’t seem to go out even when high winds or heavy rains cover it. I am inwardly thankful for that flame. It promises  another day that might be a good one. One with sunshine on my face and bird songs in my ears.

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Bipolar Disorder – Need to Know Info!

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STABILITY  of moods. That is what the majority of people with Bipolar Disorder seek.

 

(thanks to healthtap.com for the following for questions and answers below)

Dr. William Drescher answers:

What causes bipolar disorder?

Multifactorial So far no one has established a genetic link with bi-polar disorder, and many have tried. It is certainly true that it runs in families, but that can be a result of the family environment. There is a reasonable theory that the manic episodes are a way of combating the depressive feelings and that both are the result of chronic internal stress leading to depletion of neurotransmitters.

What exactly is Bipolar Disorder? One or more episodes of abnormally elevated energy/mood/cognition, with or without 1 or more Depressive episodes. The symptoms are severe enough to interfere with daily functioning or cause significant distress.

 

What are some treatments for bipolar disorder?

Bipolar main treatment is mood stabilizers. Other medications are added depending on presentation, such as anxiety meds, antidepressants, antipsychotics. Also Psychotherapy.

 

Dr. Byron Law-Yone answers:

Can anti-depressants help with bipolar disorder?

Yes but …. They must be used carefully. they can sometimes cause a switch from depression to mania. Mood stabilizer meds are the most important and antidepressants can be added if depression cannot be controlled by mood stabilizers alone.. Some believe that there is no role for antidepressant use in bipolar depression. Talk to your psychiatrist about this very important topic.

 

Dr. William Holmes answers:

My mom has bipolar disorder, so am I likely to get it later?

Possibly If your mother has bipolar disorder you are at a higher risk of having the same problem compared to the general population. At the same time, there is no guarantee that you will have bipolar disorder.

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Dr. Bernadette Onuoha answers:

What are some examples that might help me recognize Bipolar Disorder?

Mood swings. Bipolar disorder as the name implies involves highs and lows in mood. Period(s) of depression with at least one episode of mania ie euphoria, insomnia, racing thoughts sexual/financial indiscretions etc.

 

Dr. Neil Liebowitz answers:

How can you tell if you have Bipolar Disorder or just a weird personality?

Level of function. Bipolar disorder is a serious disorder that affects your level of function and has dramatic cycles of energy shifts that last days to months.

 

Dr. Jerold Kreisman answers:

What are some discussions that can help demonstrate to someone that he has Bipolar Disorder?

Ask about how mood changes affect usual routine functions–staying up for days at a time without sleep, not feeling the need to eat, being hypersexual, spending too much, taking on too much responsibility, noting increasing anger and impulsivity.

 

I realize this is, by far, not a complete list of questions/answers about this subject. If you question whether you have a mood disorder, please visit a doctor. Remember . . . only an M. D. can prescribe meds, so an actual psychiatrist is helpful to find. Some only handle medications for patients. Others offer counseling, as well. Meds may be miracle drugs for some. For others, not so much. Counseling has been shown to be helpful, as well. Be proactive, and if you can’t muster the energy to help yourself, ask a loved one to help, but you must be completely honest with him/her about the severity of your symptoms. Don’t waste your life by staying in an abyss of depression or an uncontrollable mania.

Life can be better ~

 

 

 

 

 

LOOK at the Change in Mood in Just 14 Days!

The April 26th post vs the May 10th post look like night and day! Dumb meds.

I know in the long run, they’ll level out and help me. They already have. But, getting there! Ugh!

Thank you for the encouraging words and prayers and the general love you send my way. Your comments and emails are always welcome respites from an otherwise sad day.

XO to you, loves

Suicide: How Can I Help You?

(Photo credit- Wikipedia)

My friend, Becca, wrote an exceptional blog. I copied and pasted it below. Also, here is the direct link to her post! http://moorestorms.com/2012/04/25/suicide-how-can-you-help/

Thank you, Becca!!

According to Suicide Prevention, suicide is among the top 10 causes of death per year. 34,598 deaths are attributed to suicide, 34,598 preventable deaths. That’s 11.3% deaths per 100,000 people. 11 attempted suicides occur per every suicide death. Those statistics are both staggering and disturbing.

Two of the main reasons for suicide is Depression and Bipolar Disorder. You can find symptoms for both of these here Symptoms of Bipolar Disorder.

It’s important to respond to the person with strength and courage. If you are afraid to talk about the topic with them, then you are likely to lose out on your chance to help them. Please realize that suicide is not some flaw in a person’s character, nor are they weak and they are absolutely not cowards. These feelings do not just go away and treatment is necessary.

The symptoms mentioned in the link above, combined together could lead someone to consider suicide. Reminding the person that recovery is possible can be encouraging to the person contemplating their own death. When someone is going through depression, they often use something called “selective memory”. This is where the person only focuses on the negatives in their lives. This is a symptom of their illness and requires attention and treatment.

With treatment the person can find hope to push through this difficult time.

Recognizing the Signs

  • Feelings of despair. The person may talk about their situation as being unbearable or overwhelming. They may express self-doubt, self-blame or guilt for something they have done. The more someone talks about these things, the more they are contemplating suicide.
  • Taking care of personal affairs – For instance, making sure family members will be cared for once they are gone. Taking out life insurance policies, assigning beneficiaries, settling trusts and custody arrangements for their children.
  • Rehearsing their suicide.
  • Discussing certain methods.
  • Talk of suicide come and go in an attempt to build up to the impulsive action.
  • Drugs and alcohol abuse as a way to help them with the impulsive action.
  • Beginning to feel better – with affairs in place, knowing the end is coming soon, most feel better and at peace with their decision.

How can you help someone contemplating suicide:

  • Take them seriously. Do not blow them off and think they are just venting. This is NOT the case. They are reaching out to you for help.
  • Involve others – friends, family members, their psychiatrist, their therapists, the crisis hotline
  • Express your concern – Give concrete evidence that the person is contemplating suicide.
  • Listen closely to the person, hold their hand, hold them close to you and comfort them.
  • Ask direct questions – Try to find out specific details of their plan, determine which method they are considering using.
  • Offer reassurance. Remind them that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Remind them that there is help available to them.
  • Don’t promise confidentiality. A true friend or close family member will seek out help for the person they love, the person that is in crisis.
  • Take all guns, medications and harmful objects and put them some place out of reach. This includes ropes, knives, plastic bags, ect.
  • Don’t leave the person alone until they are in the hands of a trained professional.
  • Express sympathy – Do not play therapist. They don’t want to be told what to do.
  • Talk about it – Talking about suicide does not plant the idea in the person’s head. It lets them know you are there for them and not afraid to talk to them about their concerns. This is a oppurtunity to explore how they are feeling, their thoughts and actions. This can provide you with valuable information to your friend who may be depressed. Take any mention of suicide seriously!
  • Take note to when, where and how the person plans on following through with their suicide.
  • Describe behaviors and events that bother you – How they have changed. This could strike up the conversation enough for them to open up to you about how they are feeling.
  • Work with professionals. Call their pdoc, tdoc, crisis line. Don’t be afraid to call for an ambulance if your friend or family member isn’t willing to go to the hospital voluntarily.
  • Stress how important the person’s life is to you. How devastated you and others would be if they were to take their own life.
  • Be prepared for them to be angry with you. They may feel betrayed, but later may thank you for saving their life.
  • Be supportive – They may feel guilt and shame. Assure them that you understand it’s their illness.
  • Take care of yourself

I have contemplated suicide many times in the past. I can count 2 attempts that didn’t get me the help I needed and numerous threats that have also not gotten me the help I needed. It wasn’t until I reached out on my own before I got any serious help. I urge you not to put someone else in that position. They may feel as though their pleas for help are going unheard and they may act. Do not make yourself wonder what you could have done when all these examples are in front of you.

If someone you know is in crisis, please, reach out to them, offer them support, call the crisis line at

1-800-273-8255. If the person is in serious danger call 911 and have an ambulance sent and them taken to the closest Emergency Room. Once a suicide is completed, there is no turning back.

Until next time…..

Becca ♥

 

Bi-polar Bear

Y’know . . . I’ve been floundering for years, wondering why I wasn’t “myself.” I tried anxiety meds, antidepressnts, and bagan to abuse wine (caught myself there). Nothing was really working. I never felt like myself. Sometimes, I’d feel “okay.” Mostly I was depressed and juset didn’t care about anything. The depression worsened until I didn’t get out of bed for days at a time.

Now, thanks to a talented and observant psychiatrist, I’m on meds used for bipolar patients, and they are working! Today is day 2 for me in feeling NORMAL. I can’t tell you how important that is. I could barely even remember what normal was.

I’ve realized that this disorder isn’t going away. I’ll have to deal with it for the rest of my life. I am still grieving the loss of my health. Y’know?

I see Lithium printed on the side of my med bottle and want to cry. Pus a mood stabilizer? What the crap is that? 2 mg of Xanax just to sleep at night? UGH!!!!!

So, this post is dedicated to the sadly forgotten Care Bear, the Bipolar Bear (see him above). Spread the word, dear blue nut. Spread the word.

(XO. Love y’all.)

 

Feeling Better

I changed my blog theme from Classy Grunge to this more colorful and fun choice. I guess I’m coming out of the depression – finally!

I’m so glad to be up and about, having energy, and looking into the future a bit.

What kinds of things are making you happy right now? Anything you are thankful for? Please share.

A link to a “feel good” song!     http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TL5O156tWj8

I’ll get this song in my head and can’t get it out!

You Are Not Alone

I’ve been reading others’ posts about feeling alone, friendless, and just plain miserable. The majority of these individuals are still (barely) functioning in the “real world.” They have jobs, obligations with young children, and other responsibilities that demand their attention.

I have great admiration and empathy for these people, most are women that I’ve heard from and read blogs of. I, too, have spent many, many weeks in my apartment, mostly in my king-size bed. I didn’t want to be there, but depression caused it – all-consuming, crippling, evil depression.

While I have a very kind boyfriend who makes sure I am “ok” every day and that I’m told I am loved and beautiful every day, I still fell and stayed in a pit of misery.

After seeing my old psychiatrist and getting a new diagnosis (and different meds), it is 9 days since taking the first new pills. I double the dose of mood med next Tues, so we’ll see what happens then. <I like that . . . Mood Med . . .much less serious sounding>

My point is that there are many of us out here who hurt and are dealing with neurochemical upsets which need meds and counseling to manage. One woman in particular, my heart wrenches for. She lives nowhere near me, has no friends, has a child to care for, and is in such great depression that she tried suicide this week. She didn’t complete it, for which I am very thankful. I try to reach out to her, but she doesn’t reach back.

When depressed, we isolate ourselves, which is unfortunate because that is the point in which we let the disorder have control. But, while we’d like to, we can’t face the world, the people, the sunshine. When it takes all of our energy to merely rise from the mattress to use the bathroom, we’re pretty much not “going” anywhere else.

I am feeling thankful today. I’m thankful for my mama and daughter and daughter-in-love who keep up with me daily and make sure I’m okay. They hurt with me, laugh with me, and weep with me. There are many more things/people I could list here, but I won’t.

What do I want you to take away from my post today?

No matter who you are or where you are, you are NOT alone. You may feel – with every fiber of your being – you are, but you aren’t. There are people like me out here who want to chat, discuss your pain, and reach for a future along with you. Human beings weren’t meant to  be alone all of the time. We are social creatures who need one another’s encouragement and empathy.

Need to chat? Do it here or on a reputable board.

Need medical help? Seek it – until you find a competent and caring professional.

Need crisis care? Anyone, anytime, any crisis, visit this website: http://www.crisishotline.org   or  call 1 (713) HOTLINE.

Smooches to you!

 

 

Misery Hates Company . . . Go Away

I’ve traveled back to Northwest Arkansas to see my psychiatrist (she is a genius). My meds are not working, and I’m a raving mess.

Physically, I have pains from the depression. The depth of my misery shocks me. That’s a perfect word for my situation at present, misery.

I’ve been popping Xanax so I can relax and not sob my head off or mke rash decisions. I’m ready to pick up TODAY and relocate back to Arkansas from Dallas. No more thought to it than that. I wonder if this is what mania and depression at the same time feels like. It’s a confusing and awful place to be.

I tried twice to push Jerry away from me in the last two days. I was mean to him and acted selfish, foolish, and bitchy. Still, he returned and told me he was NOT going to be run off. I don’t know if he is a saint or an idiot.

I think I’ll take a nap. I’m in my favorite town (Fayetteville) but have no transpsortation. No TJ MAXX for me. No Arsagas coffee. No flea markets.

Bed ~

I still love you, my readers and friends. Keep writing to me. We’ll get through life’s ups and downs together, loves.