Tag Archives: antidepressants

Reasons I Can’t Lose Weight, and I Need to Lose 120 lbs!



I’ve heard it several times but never applied it to my own situation. Antidepressants can cause cause weight gain. I wondered why I’ve lost weight in the past but always gained it back.

It hit me yesterday; my doctor changed my antidepressant, and I read the enclosed paper about possible side effects. Issues with increased appetite (sometimes I just graze all day) and subsequent weight gain, there it was in black and white.



My age also contributes to natural weight gain. I’ll be 55 in two months. As we age, our metabolism slows. Yet another strike against my attempts at getting thinner and healthier.

Will I let it stop me from shedding this massive amount of weight? You bet your first child it won’t’!

My mantra for today is this: “Stay on track and see results.”

I’m off to exercise. Ugh. Yes, it is only the first part of my new exercise plan, and I still hate doing it. I can hardly wait until the day I look forward to the activity – and I know I will. I’ve been there before.

Love you guys! Here’s to a healthy 2019! Stick with your goals!


My Body Is Not My Own


My body is not my own. I wish it were again. It’s been taken over by a relentless chemical imbalance in my head. That’s what I’m told, anyway. That’s why I get so depressed I want to die OR I take different meds and have nervous, energy-filled legs, arms, and hands. Someone plugged me into an outlet.

I remember when my body was my own to control. Eat well, and it showed. Exercised and I glowed.

I’m held captive in a vessel with an underside injury. Not really sinking, but taking on  water and needing a bucket to bail the salty liquid now and then. My paint is chippy, and my sail is tattered around the edges, but still I sail. I vaguely remember days when I was new, shiny, had crisp sails, and was sleek. No faded sails and deep scratches, like now. I enjoyed being new, but mostly, I liked that I was strong and could ride the rough seas.

New medicines are pulsing through my body right now. An antidepressant and a mood stabilizer. I’m energetic, yet feel too “wired.” This morning at 3:00, I was fully awake and moving furniture around in my living room. The desk looks better here. No, it has to go there.

I only got 4 hours of sleep. I cried a little a bit ago. Just a frustrated cry. A “why me” cry. Then, I took a Xanax to calm my energized body and mind.  Really, though, why me? Why anyone?

I dislike being a victim, martyr, or a complainer (well, maybe I complain too comfortably), but life at the presrent time has me in a storm. My boat is tossing a bit too much for comfort. I feel out of control of my own stability.

I suppose I was never really in control in the first place.


Be Careful: Possible Differing Treatments for Depression vs Biploar 2 Disorder

Bipolar 2 disorder sufferers have episodes of hypomania which aren’t generally severe enough for them to think anything is “wrong.” They just seem to be in a great mood and feeling very social and creative. Their depressive states, however, are more severe. The sufferers tend to seek help while in a state of depression, therefore obtaining prescriptions for an antidepressants.

In a study by an Italian psychiatric disorders expert, Franco Benazzi, MD, PhD, says that studies show that antidepressants and a bipolar 2 patient may not make a good combination.


Also, below is an excellent source of links and specific information on the use of antidepressants in those with bipolar. Very, very interesting material.


Take a look, ready a bit. Be informed, my dears.

Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar Disorder is a life-changing disorder. If you or a loved one suffers from it, you are not alone. Approximately 17.4 million Americans suffer with Bipolar. The primary symptoms of the disorder are dramatic and unpredictable mood swings. The various types of bipolar disorder range from mild to severe. (thanks to WebMD for information in this post)

The following youtube video is explicit and includes blood. Please use your own discretion as to whether to view.   


There are several types of bipolar disorder; all involve episodes of depression and mania to a degree. They include bipolar I, bipolar II, cyclothymic disorder, mixed bipolar, and rapid-cycling bipolar disorder.

Bipolar 1 –

Mania symptoms may include excessive happiness, excitement, irritability, restlessness, increased energy, less need for sleep, racing thoughts, high sex drive, and a tendency to make grand and unattainable plans.

Depression symptoms may include sadness, anxiety, irritability, loss of energy, uncontrollable crying, change in appetite causing weight loss or gain, increased need for sleep, difficulty making decisions, and thoughts of death or suicide.


There are several types of bipolar disorder; all involve episodes of depression and mania to a degree. They include bipolar I, bipolar II, cyclothymic disorder, mixed bipolar, and rapid-cycling bipolar disorder.

Bipolar 1-

A person affected by bipolar I disorder has had at least one manic episode in his or her life. A manic episode is a period of abnormally elevated mood, accompanied by abnormal behavior that disrupts life.

Bipolar 2-

Bipolar II is similar to bipolar I disorder, with moods cycling between high and low over time. However, in bipolar II disorder, the “up” moods never reach full-on mania.

Rapid Cycling-

In rapid cycling, a person with bipolar disorder experiences four or more episodes of mania or depression in one year. About 10% to 20% of people with bipolar disorder have rapid cycling.

Mixed Bipolar-

In most forms of bipolar disorder, moods alternate between elevated and depressed over time. But with mixed bipolar disorder, a person experiences both mania and depression simultaneously or in rapid sequence.


Cyclothymia (cyclothymic disorder) is a relatively mild mood disorder. People with cyclothymic disorder have milder symptoms than in full-blown bipolar disorder.

Famous Bipolars are these: Jane Pauley, Patty Duke, Carrie Fisher, Linda Hamilton (Terminator films), Jean- Claude VanDamme, Mel Gibson, Jackson Pollock, Nina Simone, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Virginia Woolf, and more.

Bipolar Disorder Complications-

Self-injury, often referred to as cutting, self-mutilation, or self-harm, is an injurious attempt to cope with overpowering negative emotions, such as extreme anger, anxiety, and frustration. It is usually repetitive, not a one-time act. Suicidal thoughts (wishes) also run rampant.

When a person’s illness follows the classic pattern, diagnosing bipolar disorder is relatively easy. But bipolar disorder can be sneaky. Symptoms can defy the expected manic-depressive sequence.

Emergencies & Suicide Prevention-

Suicide is a very real risk for people with bipolar disorder, whether they’re in a manic or depressive episode — 10%-15% of people with bipolar disorder kill themselves. But treatment greatly lowers the risk.

If you think you suffer from any type of mental disorder, please seek medical help. You CAN feel better! (I am proof)


Mamas and Their Children

 Today is Tuesday. My son’s wedding is on Saturday. I find myself with conflicting feelings tonight, after I had a quick dinner with Ben at Chili’s and then hugged good-bye ~ until the wedding week-end.

I’m not conflicted about anything of importance. I love Ben’s fiancee and think they make a wonderful couple. He has his degree and is training in a management position. She will soon fisnish her own studies, as well. I couldn’t be happier for them.

The conflict comes within me (those of you who know me say, “of course” at this point in the post). I realized this evening that Ben’s wedding date is on the 19th. My daughter’s (in the photo with Ben) was on the 19th (different month), and my own, back in 1983, was on the 19th (yet another different month). Wow. That is an odd coincidence. This upcoming ceremony throws me back into thoughts of the last wedding I attended, my daughter’s, in 2008. At that time, I was in the midst of a divorce and felt lost, afraid, and hopeless in finding direction in my new life. I only recall bits and pieces of Sarah’s wedding. I remember it all being very surreal for me.

Now, I hope to be more “present” in this child’s ceremony (my second and last child). I thank God for antidepressants or I might be a sobbing basket case right now. My children have always been (since 1984) my entire life. I can’t remember a day I didn’t savor being their mother and guide. I relished being the person to show them how to share, what table manners were, and what compassion meant. Now, many scraped knees, birthday parties, summer swims, and winter snowmen later, I am alone. I feel like my own parents likely did when I moved away and started my own family. My mother had her career, though. That was a saving grace.

I am moving to a different state and finishing my education soon. I’ll be in a new environment ~ like my kids find themselves. Yet, even with all of this time to myself, and the freedom to do whatever I want, I still long for those days when I helped load backpacks with crayons, Kleenex, and safety scissors on the first days of school. I miss sewing the kids’ Halloween costumes in my inept way (I still got’um done). Ben was a scary dinosaur. Sarah, a cuddly bear. They beamed with delight at those cut-out-and-sew, Wal-mart costumes.

My chest is heavy, and I think tears will eventually make their way to the surface. But not tonight. Not now. Presently, the fissure in my heart is a little wider. Both kids are gone. Both are no longer Mama’s munchkins. I do say that with great pride and with deep pain. With them, they take pieces of my heart, pieces I’ll never get back.

That’s okay, though. That’s what mom’s do, I’m learning. I’ll keep the rest, and when we are together, I’ll be whole again.  Well, kind of. Not really. Things will never be the same. Always changing. Always different.

So, Saturday ~ I’ll be the lost-looking, middle-aged woman in the front row of the church. The one who did her job as mother well and thoroughly. The one who freely offered everything she had ~ to two people who were (and are) worth every second she gave to them.

I love you, Sarah. I love you, Ben.