New Relationship Advice

Ever feel like you are living in a life that you didn’t plan?

Ever wonder how a spouse could hide negative traits so well for so long?

Ever wonder if you did the same type of hiding?

Women often are caught in a nasty web. They need personal fulfillment, want children, a career, and a doting husband. Guess what? Having it ALL is just not possible. That would mean perfection . . . which doesn’t exist.

Instead, we flail around – especially in our love relationships.  We hope for best, and then stick a toe in the water to test the chill factor. If the water’s warm, we go for it. If it’s tepid, we wait to see whether to step away or wade in.

If you got the warm water, and then jumped in face first, you might be regretting it before even a year’s anniversary arrives.

Please, ladies and young ladies, get to know Mr. Right before moving your pets in with him . . . before leaving your toothbrush next to his, and for god’s sake, live together long enough to realize his shortcomings!!! If I had it to do over (raising my kids), I’d not teach my kids to wait to have sex or to live with someone they loved before marriage. I would encourage it! Marriage is a huge step, and it’s expensive to reverse! So, do more than get your toe wet. Let your feet dangle in that water for the day while you chomp an apple and consider your future. There really is no rush – and if there is, get your life straight first before introducing a partner into it.

(Welcome new subscribers! I see I’ve added about ten over the past week. Thank you for your interest. I’ll soon have a video blog on a YouTube station. I’ll print here when and where it will be).

 

Rules For Happiness . . .

I have had an unparalleled 2015. There have been so many changes that I sometimes feel I’ve been in a dream state.

Changes I’ve experienced this past year are below. After those, are my experiences on how I gained some “real” happiness in life.

2015, January began with my being unemployed for the second month. I’d been a mortician for a year but, because of stress-related depression, had to quit the job I’d trained for extensively.

February brought the realization that I HAD to get out of a mentally abusive romantic relationship. I had to finally completely break off with this man and ended up having to get an Order of Protection from him -issued by the county court so the ex-boyfriend couldn’t get within 100 yards of me. After 4 slashed tires and numerous times I saw him stalking me, multiple texts over a short period of time, and parking in front of my house to intimidate me, I had to protect myself. We were officially over but my mind still held paranoia, fear, and anxiety over his possible presence. Changing the locks on the house just didn’t erase those feelings.                                                                                                                                  March began an unexpected chain of events that would forever change my life. A week before I celebrated my 51st birthday, I met David. It was intended as nothing but an innocuous dinner date to get me out of the house one Sunday evening. That meeting turned into a movie afterward and another date the next day. I had just broken up with a scary stalker. I was NOT looking for another serious relationship.

Over the next few months – April, May – David and I were always together. We couldn’t bear to be apart. Our personalities, goals, and morals were identical. He was eight years older than I and full of humor, sincerity, generosity, and affection. I had hit the jackpot this time. Never had I known this type of relationship. We had much in common and were quite attracted to each other. We shared respect and a thankfulness to finally find someone who would be honest, faithful, and loving (among other traits). We had discussions of possible marriage in our future – which was unbelievable since we had each told the other on our first date that we’d never wish to re-marry.  Never say never. God will show you otherwise.

June was a month of seriously tossing around the idea of marriage. We had spent every day and evening together since our second date. The mutual love and dedication we felt was alien to us. We quickly developed a strong and deep bond. We were in a tornado of new feelings, changes, and complete joy. Every day, I woke to see that rugged face of the unique man who had captured my every sense.

July gave us promises and me an engagement ring. Life was among fluffy clouds, sun shining on our faces, and constant smiles.

August was a month of planning, decision-making on honeymoon options, and finding a dress for the wedding day.

September was the month of joining lives – physically and legally. I married David after knowing him a mere six months. I would never suggest such a step to a friend after knowing someone less than a year but this was an entirely different situation. All of our friends and family saw the rare bond David and I shared. We were finally happy. Really happy. October = our first Halloween together. November = our first Thanksgiving together. December = our first Christmas together

Now, it is January of a new year. David and I have been inseparable for over nine months and are still just as in love, just as entertained by each other, and just as sure we made the only decision that made sense . . . to join our lives and share adventures that lie ahead – together.  We’ve not once considered being with any other partner. We’ve found our “other half.”

To be happy . . .  ~ Free your heart from hatred, guilt, or resentment. ~Free your mind from worries and unnecessary stress. ~Live Simply. ~ Give more. ~ Expect less

I had to let go of deep guilt I carried over breaking up my previous (and only) marriage. I finally let my long-carried stress go. I think time passing and not encountering the ex-stalker, plus feeling secure and loved by David, allowed me to finally wake up one morning, have coffee, eggs, and go right back to bed. I was exhausted physically and mentally. This lasted almost a week. I couldn’t stay vertical for long before I needed to nap or just lie down. It was my relaxation after 7 years of built up stresses over money, relationships, unsure future, fighting Major Depressive Disorder with med after med that didn’t work, and gaining sixty pounds from stress eating. The following months brought me to enjoy simplifying my life. I donated much to local charities, and I sent the larger items to auction. I love not being surrounded by nick knacks that collect dust and grab my attention.                                                                                                                             I had often volunteered to deliver meals to hungry senior citizens and to teach adults how to read and write English. David, being retired, dedicated his time volunteering to helping veterans through his local American Legion. When you give, you don’t have time to think about “self.” That is a good feeling.                                                                                                                      Finally, when I learned to expect less from surroundings, pets, and people, I began feeling satisfied with this imperfect life. If we all do the best we can with what we have to offer, that is enough.

May your 2016 be full of happiness . . .

 

 

 

 

Proposed to – While I’m Married?

When people say that life is unpredictable, they’re correct. When they say it’s ironic, they’re also right. I’m living proof that the strangest things can and do happen at the oddest times.

After my divorce (from a very long marriage), I was single for several years before meeting Thomas. We “met” on a singles site and spoke on the phone. He was a newspaper editor who looked adorably like an old hippie. I loved his sense of humor, too. So, we decided to meet for dinner. As soon as I saw him, my knees went weak. I’d never been so attracted to a man before. This 48 year old woman felt 16 again.

Thomas and I sat in a booth and had salads, iced tea, and fun appetizers. We had witty exchanges, conversed about a wide variety of topics, and discussed our mutual love of the written word. I admired everything about this man. Pouty lips under a salt and pepper mustache and goatee, deep brown eyes, shoulder-length, gray hair. I swear, I stared at the man all night. His intelligence mixed with humor then topped with handsome looks sealed the deal. This was the man I wanted. Now, to figure out if he was interested in me!

We parted ways after a half hug (yes, I was disappointed). He didn’t call for another date – only texted saying he had enjoyed my company and thought I was a delightful lady.

For a year, he was all I could think of but I carried on with my life. We were Facebook friends, so I saw his posts and kept up with his family now and then. One day, he texted me and asked if I’d like to meet for another meal. I melted . . . of course I would! We had a nice lunch but I could tell that he still didn’t feel anything for me more than friendship. It broke my heart all over again. We parted as friends. Again.

About 18 months later, Thomas contacted me and wanted to go out. I hadn’t forgotten him. Not at all. I’d kept up with him on social media. I still got butterflies when he commented on my posts or “liked” my status’. I just knew THIS time, he had realized what he had been missing. We arranged a date and saw a movie and ate burgers. Thomas seemed interested this time. We kissed, hugged, and even got more serious physically. I was more in love than ever, and he seemed to be following my lead, finally, although slowly. After about 4 dates, it fizzled, and he stopped calling. Said he wasn’t ready for a serious relationship after all.

I was sick of being pulled and pushed away multiple times. My heart could take no more. I began dating others. No one special and nothing serious. Just lunches and coffee dates. That is, until I met my current husband. Yes, I married someone else. Joe was a wonderfully kind, funny, generous man who was almost a decade older than I. We got along famously. We were a pair made to enjoy each other’s company. Within 6 months, we married and have been happy since (3 months later. Ha!)..

Well, last week, out of the blue, Thomas contacted me – telling me he hasn’t stopped thinking about me, loves me, wants to spend time with me, remembers how well we got along, how we laughed and had good times. He said he wanted me to be his wife.

I asked him if he realized I was already married. He said he did but couldn’t hold back from telling me how he felt any longer. I guess in case I wasn’t happy in the marriage I had just entered?

Thomas’ words were ones I had longed to hear for the last, long three years of my life. I’d have cried with happiness to have heard them from his mouth. Dream come true. But that day, on the phone, they were swords in my side. I cried, was angry, couldn’t believe his nerve to say these things to me NOW . . . knowing full well that I still had love for him and would be confused and frustrated. It wasn’t a fair thing to do at all. What do people say? All is fair in love and war? I think that is an awful statement.

No, I didn’t leave my husband for Thomas. Today, we wrapped Christmas gifts and planned what to cook for dinner. We played with the kitten, watched a Christmas movie, and snuggled before bed. Joe is a good man. He sneaks gazes at me when he thinks I’m not noticing and then tells me I’m beautiful. He sees some of his friends “eyeing” me and says he’s proud to have a pretty wife. He makes me feel beautiful. He even likes my sub-par cooking. 😉

For the Thomas’ out there, pay attention to the magnificent women who cross your path! They won’t stay there for long. A man of taste and character will grab her and marry her and treat her like a princess.

For the Joes out there, if you find yourself alone at present, keep your heads up, Ms Right IS out there and she is waiting to find you.

I wish you healthy, happy relationships and lots of love and affection!

Happy Holidays, my readers and friends!

Curve Balls – Expect the Unexpected

Why does life throw unexpected curve balls when you’re sitting comfortably in the bleachers, minding your business, enjoying a plump hot dog – then, BOOM! The ball has too much curve and bonks you in the head.

We never expect the unexpected. Why is that? It always comes, doesn’t it? Life is not perfect. Never will be – no matter how much we change our circumstances or behaviors.

I’m feeling like pouring a half-glass of wine . . . then drinking what’s left in the bottle.

Blending families is hard. Even when the “kids” are all grown. I thought by choosing an older mate and by ensuring our children were adults and on their own would allow us to focus on our own lives and enjoy- each other. That’s not how things always work.

One day, “things” change, and in creeps resentment like a legless zombie. Behind it – anger peeks around corners. Life begins to change.

Merging families. How do people do it every day in the United States? Doesn’t it exhaust everyone involved? Especially those with young kids involved.

I wish I could remove the heaviness from my spouse’s eyes and the grief from his chest. Not everything has a “fix,” I guess.

I’m tired, disappointed, confused. I hope you, my couple hundred blog followers, have found ways to blend your families and live fulfilling lives. XO