Category Archives: Love

10 Ways to Live with a Jerk

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1)      Stay very busy so you don’t have to address him often. Work, hobbies, outings with friends or family, outings alone, yard work, etc. will keep you occupied and productive.

2)      Pretend he is just a roommate who pays “rent” each week. The income is pretty nice.

3)      Plan ahead to reach your ultimate goals. Education, job, living arrangements. Write down what you want/need and then follow – step by step. Once you turn the boat over, chaos will ensue, so have a plan first.

4)      Meet with a good friend and vent when you need to release steam or seek advice. Or try blogging. It’s an amazing stress reliever.

5)      Stop thinking about how things “should” be. They are what they are.

6)      Improve yourself – physically, mentally, and spiritually. You are deserving of wonderful things.

7)      Love on your cats or dogs. They love you unconditionally and like when you show them you feel the same.

8)      Speak to the jerk when passing in the hallway, meeting in the kitchen, or sitting in the same room.

9)      Learn to un-care about said jerk. What once was love has obviously become a convenience of living arrangements – sharing the bills so to speak.

10)   Realize that you are worthy of real love and a partner who will dote on you and appreciate you.

 

Get out ASAP if there is violence but if not, and you want to plan a smoother exit route, follow the steps above.

I am not a medical professional. Do not consider my advice as professional.  😉

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I Do Not Need A Man To Make Me Happy!

woman courage

 

Divorce has been tough these last several years. A new relationship after that has become stale and sad, as well.

I have always been fearful of being alone/lonely. I hated it when I first divorced, and dusk was the worst!

Well, I’m a little older and realizing that I’d rather have social engagements with friends and girl friends than having to live with a man who isn’t as committed to my happiness as I am to his.

So . . . it’s the beginning of a new era for me. The time of courage, branching out, change, and happiness.

Wish me luck. It’s an uphill climb.

Love you, my readers, my friends

 

Romantic Relationships Make Me Sick

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Relationships, the romantic kind, make me sick.

My marriage started out wonderfully and lasted that way for almost 20 years. The last six or so were the years I failed to see the pings, knocks, and engine light being on. By the time I actually saw the problems in our relationship, it was far too late to do much about it. Not that we could have fixed anything if we’d caught it several years before . . . it just would have been nice not to have been blindsided by the truth when it hit.

Now divorced for almost five years, I have a boyfriend. We started out wonderfully (sound like the paragraph above?) but are pinging and knocking. The engine light isn’t on but I wonder how long until I’ll either need to take this rig by a shop or sell it.

Romantic relationships make me ill. I’ve had severe depression, much anxiety, and ongoing apathy about my future – all since I woke up and realized life isn’t fair and won’t stay static. Everything’s always changing. I don’t like change unless I initiate it! So, I find myself wondering if this man who’s living with me is a person I’m supposed to be with.

I stopped going to church, something I had done three times a week for two decades, almost five years ago. Actually, I lost all faith. That is saying something big, as I was a Christian to the bone. It just died, and I can’t seem to get it back. I long for those days when I had faith . . . when I was sure what life was and was sure who God was. I was sure the Bible held all the answers I would ever need. Then, the “break” happened. My mental break from the life I was in. Boy, what a mess I made of everything. Anyone whose life touched mine was affected; those poor, poor people.

So, back to the romantic relationships ~ I’m so disappointed that this one doesn’t seem to be working out. We had so much fun and so much the same types of feelings and interests. Now, the small things he does (or doesn’t do) irritate me, and he is a different man than the one I got to know and love a few years ago.

I’m wondering if I should go to a church service in the morning. Mother’s Day is tomorrow. Services will likely be busier than usual. Maybe I’ll wait.

I came home from running errands to find my love interest is gone. His son is living here for a while, and they are gone. No note, no text, nothing. This won’t last for long. I’d rather be alone than living like this.

Relationships, the romantic kind, make me sick.

Divorce Rates Among the Graying Population

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The divorce rate among those 50 and over – so-called “gray divorces” – has more than doubled over the last two decades, according to a study released this year by sociologists at Bowling Green State University.

That study, called “The Gray Divorce Revolution,” predicted the number of post 50 divorces could easily surpass 800,000 per year by 2030. In comparison, more than 600,000 people age 50 and older got divorced in 2009 – or one in four; in 1990, only one in 10 people 50 and older got divorced.

The study also found that those over 50 in a second or third marriage (as opposed to a first) have a 150 percent greater likelihood of divorcing.

The issue of gray divorces has been in the spotlight recently thanks to the breakup of long-time celebrity couple Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman, who split this year following 30 years of marriage. But plenty of other celebrity couples have called it quits including Jessica Lange and actor-writer Sam Shepard, who parted ways in 2009 after 27 years together, as well as Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon, who split in 2009 after 23 years together.

Licensed psychotherapist Rachel Sussman (author of The Breakup Bible: The Smart Woman’s Guide to Healing from a Breakup or Divorce”) said there are many reasons behind the uptick in gray divorces.

“Boomers’ quest for happiness in their lives, empty nest, women working and having more financial independence and confidence, people living longer … all are reasons,” she said.

Other experts point to the ability of people to easily reconnect with those from their past via social media — as well as hook up with potential partners via online dating sites — as a contributing factor. Indeed the number of dating-site users 50 or older has grown twice as fast as any other age group over the past year, according to comScore.com.

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“People divorcing in their 50s have made it through the raising-little-kids-boot-camp phase of marriage when no one gets their needs met but the children,” said Pamela Zivari, an attorney and conflict resolution professional. “Fifty-year-olds leave usually not because of a tragedy, but because they are unfulfilled.

“Unlike people in their 30s and 40s who want to start over from the very beginning, divorcing 50-year=olds have usually made a sober assessment, ‘does this relationship, on balance, bring me enough happiness and security that I will forego the heartbreak and uncertainty I would create for all the family members if I decided to jump ship at this stage?’” she said.

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According to a 2004 AARP survey, 66 percent of divorces among people ages 40 to 69 are initiated by women.  The same survey found that infidelity wasn’t the overriding catalyst. Just 27 percent of those seeking a gray divorce cited infidelity among their top three reasons for doing so — which is on par with estimates of infidelity as a factor in divorce in the general population.

(This article is in full presentation at the link below. This blog merely presents portions of the longer article. It is not my original writing but that of huffingtonpost.com)

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/11/01/saving-your-marriage-how-_n_2015943.html#slide=more226917

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(My addition)

Still-successful celebrity marriages are an encouragement. See some of them below:

Denzel and Pauletta Washington – 29 years

Billy and Janice Crystal – 42 years

Jerry Stiller and Ann Meara – 58 year

Samuel L. Jackson and LaTanya Richardson  – 32 Years

Ringo Starr and Barbara Bach -31 Years

Ann-Margret and Roger Smith -45 Years

Suzanne Somers and Alan Hamel -35 Years (talk and great sex)

Mark Harmon and Pam Dawber – 25 years

Sissy Spacek and Jack Fisk – 38 years

Sam Elliott and Katharine Ross – 28 years

Richard Benjamin and Paula Prentiss – 51 years

Meryl Streep and Don Gummer – 34 years

Bill and Camille Cosby – 48 years

Alan and Arlene Alda – 55 years

Christopher and Georgianne Walken – 43 years

Objects I Love

I watched an Oprah show today and got a message from her interior designer guest that “things” really do matter in life. We’re surrounded by them, so of course they’d make a difference to us. Things offer beauty, comfort, and ease in our lives. I love certain things and want to share a few with you today!

collect_antiques

I love antiques, retro furniture, and collectibles. So, I’m pretty much a fan of many, many styles. I owned an antiques mall for a few years and enjoyed every part of it (well, except for the long trips to auction).

I’ve sold bedroom and dining room sets for thousands of dollars per set. I’ve also sold shabby chic, chippy-painted, wobbly-legged treasures. My customers bought oriental rugs, oil paintings, church stained glass windows, and huge gothic pieces. They’ve also giggle with joy at finding a simple end table they could “re-do.”

So, I’m no decorating or collecting snob. We’re all in love with something. I happen to love quite a few things!

 

 

 

collect_garden

Another love is garden niceties! So many pieces of furniture and general decorating items can be recycled into a new use. That process can be creative and a great way to spend a pretty day outdoors.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Notice the chippy door and lovely ceiling which are in the background of the heavy, dark trim piece? Topping off the contrast is a dainty, illuminated chandelier. I LOVE this.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

collect_bookcase

Bookcases of all kinds are favorites of mine. They are not only beautiful to look at but are usable space! My home office is full of bookcases! Everyone needs at least 3 or 4.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

collect_cupboard

 

Now, onto storage and shabby paintjobs. This is a favorite color of mine in  this type of furniture. My actual favorite are whites. I’d not pair this cupboard with the Gothic table but I’d definitely take the cupboard! (and the table  . . . elsewhere)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

collect_retro

There is something about retro items that draws me! Adorable little “greens” phone chair. A guest can sit and enjoy his beverage at-hand.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

collect_lamp

 

I can never forget lighting! It’s one of my favorite things to shop for! This floor lamp is fabulous! It would work anywhere in the home!

 

See my Pinterest board for many pretty, off-beat, fun lighting choices! (under Lea Milford)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

collect_mixingbowls

These are exactly like my personal kitchen mixing bowls. Fire King? Can’t recall. They’re wonderful. Thick, pretty, and can take boiling water or ice cubes! Also, who can not grin a little at the color and sweet design?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

collect_oddities

Okay, lastly I must include oddities. I am a mortuary science major and have loved any type of science since I was a young girl. So, I admit to having a small 1940s metal casket in my office. I also have a hanging lamp near it – silk, dripping with glass beads. They go well together. I won’t go into more detail of my past collectible oddities because not everyone quite understands.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I really should end this with a photo of something other than the skulls and bones above. Let’s see . . .

I’m also a multi-published writer. Here is an article I did a few years ago! Enjoy!

ttp://www.frenchmetro.com/media05_faces_of_antiques.php

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~ Gladys ~

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My friend Gladys, a woman who was dedicated to her god, family, and friends passed away this morning. Not one day went by that Gladys did not earnestly pray. She suffered through a life of chronic illness but did not complain. She got on with the business of raising children, loving her husband Albert, and sharing her faith with others.

 

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Nothing stops death from marching over our plans and extinguishing our flame.

I grieve tonight. My chest tightens when I stop diverting my attention with the TV and remember Gladys. Her voice still rings in my ears. I “hear” her soft words saying my name. We spent many afternoons in her living room in deep conversations about our families, problems, spiritual beliefs, and just about anything of interest (including her backyard full of birds).

 

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I rarely realized the thrity years difference in age we had.

I love you, Gladys. I know you looked forward to meeting your savior face-to-face.  You leave behind many who miss you very much. I miss you ~

 

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Missing Sarah

Please forgive me if I make a typo or two. I’m blogging this from my iPhone. Index finger with a too-long fingernail. Humph. I’m at my daughter’s house. I leave tomorrow, after a mere 2-day visit. I have felt a huge lump in my throat since last night – knowing I must leave my girl soon. She is a new mom, in her late twenties, and melts my heart with her smile. She is that special. My grandson is magnificent, but it’s my own girl I miss most. I hold my arms down -because they want to reach out and hold her – tight – and for a very long time.

Mr. Right

I have a very romantic and thoughtful boyfriend. I share this with my readers because some may wonder if a man like Jerry actually exists. He puts up with a lot from me. I am not moody on purpose. It’s perimenopause, depression, and life’s general ups and downs at the moment. I’m 47 and feeling it.

Whomever said older is wiser . . . is makin’ me mad.

 I’ve been moody for over a week. Close to two weeks, actually. Jekyll and Hyde-ish. My boyfriend is a saint. He drew me a bath, filled with bubbles, and he lit a candle near the edge of the tub. Taking my hand in his, he led me to the warm bathroom. The hot water dissolved the day’s tension from my neck and shoulders. The bubbles tickled my nose and got my cat playing with them. It was soothing. Just what I needed. How did he know?

Another time Jerry showed his thoughtfulness (in spite of my nastiness) was on a beach vacation we took in 2008. Our condo was on the third floor and faced the ocean. Nothing between us and the water except white Destin sand. After Jerry and I had a small argument, I huffed to the bed and buried my head under a pillow. He put on his swimsuit and grabbed a towel and left. I wanted to go to the water. Why didn’t he ask me? Jerk! About thirty minutes later, he came  back. He busied himself in the kitchen while I went to the large patio to sip a cold Sprite. Couples held hands and walked along the water’s edge. Children yelled and splashed in the bluegreen water. My gaze caught a pattern in the sand below my balcony. There, in five-foot letters, were the words “I love Ree.” That’s me! My nickname anyway. Jerry had expressed his love in the sand where every single condo resident could see it. My jewel of a man had once again surprised me.

He does laundry, cleans the kitchen, cooks dinners, vacuums, and takes out the trash. What a help! So, single ladies, there is hope. Good men are out there.  😉

The 5 Love Languages

Do you believe the claims that there are several different “love languages?” I’d never put much thought into it until I realized my marriage was over. Not that knowing the different ways people process and show love was foreign to me. Of course I noticed that.

After being married for a quarter of a century, I concluded that there was no changing my spouse’s innate qualities. He would never be demonstrative, impulsive, affectionate, or have a positive attitude. If I wanted to be happy in my own skin, I had to make the break.

There are supposedly 5 Love Languages (according to author, Gary Chapman). He says we should speak our spouse’s love language if we are to be effective communicators. An example might be if my husband regularly takes out the trash, puts the lid down on the toilet after he uses it, puts his dirty laundry in the hamper and not on the floor, etc, then he is showing his love by actions that make my life easier. However, I couldn’t care less if the clothes were in the hamper if I never get a kiss, a stroke of soft hand to my face, or an invitation to the bedroom.

Do you see our differences in love language? It never made things easier, though. I never felt loved like I needed to feel. Husband wasn’t comfortable showing me love in the manner I desired. It would have been “fake” or “forced” for him to do so.

So, why does Mr Chapman tell us to communicate in our spouse’s particular love language instead of telling us to choose someone who speaks our OWN language in the first place? ‘Another example – I wouldn’t marry a German-speaking man. We would have great difficulties in communication. In love or not, our lives would be stressed and likely unhappy in the end.

So, are you one who shows love by Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service, or Physical Touch?

http://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-That-Lasts/dp/0802473156/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_1

Check out Mr Chapman’s book, if you are interested in hearing more. It’s a good read. Fosters tolerance if nothing else.