Category Archives: Inspiration

What I Know is Nothing

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When I look up and into the sky blue sky

full of fluffy white fluffy clouds

Space is full of stuff – stuffed stuff or unstuffed

Beyond the blue and white above me are other planets, other skies, other guys

Naked, I shiver in the hot summer afternoon – but it’s a dry heat

In a coat, I shiver among snow drifts – but it’s a moist cool

Above my head are twinkling stars that twinkle like a star

Vastness of universe and limitations of my body and mind – not parallel like a parallel universe

What I know for sure is that I know nothing – like I know what I know, and it’s nothing

Sadness Has Shades – A Poem

 

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A painter uses color, texture -tangibles – to express herself.

I use words. My mind purges its stresses on white pages.

I sometimes think in gray.

Cloudy skies are the shade of sadness.

Sadness has shades, if you didn’t know it.

I’ve had sadness in blue shades. Blue, more intense than gray.

Gray has no passion, is sleepy and without great expression.

Blues offer bite. When dark, it’s angry sadness.

Light blue leaves room for improvement. Hope.

Black. Ever felt black?

Absorbing all light around you. Reflecting none.

Lack of light is black. I’ve felt black. I’ve lived black.

Black was the height of sadness, and all was dark.

Are you beige? Beige is boring. Not ugly but boring.

I lived beige for several years. It was a color of denial.

Same old. Same old. Beige. Sad but denying it.

Currently, I feel green. New growth is everywhere.

Soon it will be spring. Life has changed.

Green feels nice. Cooling and hopeful.

No sadness blankets this life.

But now and then, I do have other-color days.

Life is, after all,  a rainbow of colors.

Sadness can be in many colors and shades

But joy can, too.

Coloured air balloons

 

 

Boxes, Cat Poo, & Sore Thighs

moving_boxes

Hello Friends! We’ve finally moved into the new house! The U-verse guy came this morning to hook up the TVs and internet. Friday, the fireplace man installs a full new gas fireplace with remote control. I’ve unpacked 3/4 of the kitchen boxes, and I can shower without drying my body with a hand towel. 

The cats have settled in fairly well. Skittish Henry still hides a bit but will live. The birds are already feasting at the feeder on the back deck with Rigby (other cat) watching intently at the patio doors, tail swishing back and forth. He wants to pounce so badly.

Dave is watching One America News. Hilary and Bernie are hashing the same old crap. Baby Dixie (kitten) is napping in her cat tree, stretched out and happy to have been found by her rescue parents. I do believe we’re happy here. I sure am. I sit at the little round dining table with tulips centerpiece. Bright light streams in because it snowed a bit last night, and the sun reflects from it. My coffee is strong and hot. I’m still losing weight each week and feeling better and better since being off the hormone cream Dr #1 had given me (that’s a whole other blog idea). 

I’m a newlywed (4 months) and am blessed to have had two wonderful men in my life. Also two wonderful extended families. My current two step children, Crystal and Davy, are delights. My two kids, Sarah and Ben are my heart. I have smart, funny, cute grand babies who make my life fuller. I have a best friend, Leslie, whom I know will be by my side for anything. 

There is one negative; the cat box contains “Yesterday’s News” litter. It’s tightly bound paper that is shaped into pellets. There is no real odor control and no clumping. It’s because baby Dixie has been declawed and needs it for a few days. So, the smell near that bedroom is not always pleasant if I haven’t caught it in time. LOL

Well, it’s time to unpack some more. I’m sore in my legs and lower back but I carry on so I get these boxes emptied.  It feels good to be happy again after 7 years of depression, worries, and emotional abuse from a loser boyfriend (no, not my current spouse). 😉 Have a good week, folks, and stay warm! Love to you all ~

moving_couple

She Went From Fine to Dead in Three Weeks

friends

My sweet friend, Ann, a long time survivor of ovarian cancer was a published author of a nonfiction book on the subject of her ordeal and survival of that cancer. Her book was organized to help the cancer patient, her caregivers, and family. It was a fantastic compilation of biblical scriptures and uplifting advice from someone who had lived the disease and come out on the other side healthy!

She lived over a decade with much energy, fervor for life, a generous nature, helping others, and caring for her ailing parents and disabled husband.She gave me inspiration.

We, both, being writers, would set regular coffee dates and sit in out of the way booths with our laptops, paper, pens, books, and espresso-filled coffee concoctions. We laughed, shared the happenings in our lives, then we’d write for a bit and read the resulting masterpieces to each other for a quick critique or kudos. It was fun.

Then, I moved to Dallas to attend mortuary school and lost touch with Ann. When I finally moved back home, Ann and I didn’t get back in touch again. Our lives were full and changing. However, we “knew” the other was “there,” and that was somehow enough.

On November 4th, 2015, a fellow writer friend told me that Ann had suddenly passed away from cancer that had gone undiagnosed until it was too severe to treat. She was diagnosed, went into hospice care, and died within three short weeks. I didn’t know about it until she was gone.

I realize that true friendship doesn’t have to mean you see each other often or talk every day. You just have to know the other is nearby and just a call away. I knew that about Ann. I loved her, and I knew she loved me.

I wish I had taken the time to see her just for a coffee date, though. It would have been such a blessing to me now. I’m going to pay more attention to the people I love. I’m going to make it a point to tell them I love them. Life is too unstable, uncertain, and fleeting to assume anything.

Thank you, Rebecca Ann, for teaching me that lesson. God bless you my dear.

 

New Beginnings ~ Simplify!

Last week-end was “moving day,” and this Saturday will be “finish moving day.” I only relocated about 500 yards from my original house but am saving $225 a month by doing so. It will be worth it.

Y’know how moving means having to go through EVERYthing you own? You evaluate whether to keep things or donate them (or auction them) but all the while, you struggle with wanting to clean out your clutter but also wanting to keep things “important” to you. It’s mentally exhausting sometimes.

By moving every few years (more often in my case), you can keep your surroundings simplified. I’ve downsized this time and am loving it.

My point in this blog is to ask you how much “stuff” you have in your home environment that could (should) be culled, thrown in the trash, taken to Goodwill, or auctioned? In my experience, a cluttered home causes stress and makes me ill at ease. The older I get the more I want to simplify my life.

Think about your closets. Do you actually USE everything in them? What about the chests of drawers you may have goodies hidden in? I found two sets of keys and had no idea what locks they fit. I guess I’ll toss them this time around.

Spring is upon us. I want a clean, airy, fresh home with NO clutter or dust (that second part is harder for me to keep up with). I want to grow herbs in my new little backyard flower bed and use them when I cook on the old propane grill, savoring the scents and tastes of my own production.

A new beginning, that’s what moving feels like. (Hold up your glass) Here’s to new beginnings! Cheers! (now go clean out your closets)

😉

Wherever I Choose

Wherever I Choose

 

The ocean’s salty brine. Its cool and rhythmic waves. Sounds of seagulls, sandpipers, and faraway ships. I’m there in my mind.

 

Atop the breezy mountain. Among a field full of Black-eyed Susans. East Texas sand beneath my feet. The scent of watermelon in my lunch pail. I’m there in my mind.

 

It can take me anywhere – show me anything. Living in the moment . . . wherever I choose.

2014 Goals?

2014

A very good friend asked me what my goals are for 2014. I told her I didn’t really know. I was feeling a bit melancholy.

I just thought about what I did in 2013. I finished college, passed both sections of the National Board Exam, and got a job in my field of study. I am currently working toward getting the 50 required funerals to get licensed in the state of Arkansas as a funeral director. If I can get 50 embalming cases as well, I become licensed as an embalmer, too. I only lack one exam – the Arkansas state law exam. So, I am working toward the goals I set. I’ve already accomplished a huge chunk of it.

I have to remind myself of the good things I’ve done in 2013 and that more hustle is needed to completely finish what I’ve started. So, that is one of a few of my goals for 2014 . . . to NOT give up, even though I struggle a lot to learn this new job and to physically and mentally keep up.

I hope you had a good 2013 and that your next year will be safe and happy.

Smiley Flower Happy!

 

Denial, Floods, and Small Talk

Denial – the action of declaring something to be untrue

I deny so well that if the behavior were an Olympic sport, I’d have the Gold. Actually, no, we’d all be in the running for the Gold medal.

In this post, I’m wondering why most of us  walk around acting like we are perfectly fine, our world is 100% on track, and nothing is bothering us. We smile and exchange pleasantries but are inside often lonely, hurting, frustrated, confused, or angry. Why can’t we open up more with one another?

 

flood_cafe_venice

 

“You doing okay these days?”

“Oh, yeah. Great. You?”

“Sure thing. How are the kids?”

 

 

 

 

The older I’ve gotten, the more open and honest I’ve become. It’s liberating yet embarrassing at times – because others don’t share their weaknesses or what’s wrong in their own lives. Leaves me feeling alienated, y’know, or different from the norm? What really “is” the norm?  I admitted to starting on antidepressants again the other day to a friend. She blurted out that she’s on about three! I felt closer to her immediately. The honesty was air-clearing.

Ever feel completely overwhelmed? I did about a month ago (when I got back on antidepressants). I felt like I was drowning in a flood of cold, dirty water but nobody paid attention. I realized I was denying my feelings to those closest to me, trying to make the bad feelings go away. But they didn’t. I reached out for help . . . before my chimney went under. 😉

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So, can we try to reach out to one another more? Share our truths more? I won’t judge you; I promise! I may suggest a counselor but I’d never judge you. 🙂  Let’s stop “pretending” everything is okay and going about our days in denial about how much something may be bothering us or altering our lives. Stop biking in the flood, my friend, and admit there are about two feet of water at your feet! The rest of us will help you dry off and find a canoe.

flood_bicycling

The Video Recorder For Vlogging!

vlog_cameraI’ve been doing much homework on which video recorder I want to start a video blog (vlog) with. It’s been tedious and boring at some points but I finally found the one! The Sony HDR-CX260V High Definition Handycam, 8.9 MP Camcorder with 30x Optical Zoom and 16GB Embedded Memory – in black – the 2012 model!

I also got a 72″ sturdy tripod.

I suppose I’m ready to vlog when they arrive. Do I have a special reason for vlogging you ask? YES, I do! I am going to chronicle my weight-loss of over 100 pounds! I’m taking viewers along with me every step of the way. It’ll keep me honest and on track.

By mid-July, my first vlog should be available (I don’t get the camera for a week and will then be on a mini-vacation). I hope you’ll follow my vlog and make plenty of comments to keep me encouraged and on track!

The site is already up. Take a look and please subscribe. You won’t be sorry!

http://lossesaregood.com/

 

 

Get Out of That Toxic Relationship!

toxic_relationship

 

Questions to ponder:

  • Is the pain too great to stay the same?
  • Do I constantly picture an alternate reality?
  • Do I need a translator to be heard?
  • Is it impossible to make boundaries?
  • Am I the only one that is willing to meet in the middle?
  • Is getting an apology (when it’s truly deserved) like pulling teeth?
  • Does this relationship take more energy than it gives?
  • Is blaming and complaining getting really old?
  • Am I completely fatigued when I’m with the person and energetic when they’re gone?
  • If it’s a romantic relationship, are the sparks dead, end of story?
  • Do I smile when I want to yell and then yell at the wrong people?
  • Is the only thing holding me back my fear of newness?
  • Am I afraid of what people will think of me if this relationship fails?
  • Does this person make me feel like I’m lost without them?
  • Do I find myself missing the old me?
  • And so on…

 

http://www.positivelypositive.com/2013/06/24/how-to-identify-and-release-toxic-relationships/