Category Archives: blended family

When PMS & ADHD Pair Up!

When PMS & ADHD pair up, people nearby had better make themselves scarce. Go run errands, work on an outdoor project, visit the library . . . just get away from the woman with the fiery mood!

I say this because I am that woman some months. Right now, in fact, I’m dealing with this pair of clashing hormonal and mental hurricanes. I’ve told my husband some terribly awful things. I’ve alienated my step child. I’ve thrown a glass and have angrily folded/put away three large loads of laundry. That was all in the last hour. Lord help me. Lord help them.

I’m not saying there weren’t reasons why I responded negatively but it shouldn’t have been to the degree I reacted. I know these things intellectually but can’t physically stop the feelings – and have been trying to stay away from loved ones so I don’t hurt them further.

I’ve only known I had ADHD for a few months, and this is the first month the disorder has clashed with a bout of PMS. It feels awful. Like I have no control of my emotions or actions.

I’ll spend the day in my room with a book and ipad. And probably some cookies. Hopefully the cats don’t make me mad . . . Only Kidding!

Lord help us all ~

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Boxes, Cat Poo, & Sore Thighs

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Hello Friends! We’ve finally moved into the new house! The U-verse guy came this morning to hook up the TVs and internet. Friday, the fireplace man installs a full new gas fireplace with remote control. I’ve unpacked 3/4 of the kitchen boxes, and I can shower without drying my body with a hand towel. 

The cats have settled in fairly well. Skittish Henry still hides a bit but will live. The birds are already feasting at the feeder on the back deck with Rigby (other cat) watching intently at the patio doors, tail swishing back and forth. He wants to pounce so badly.

Dave is watching One America News. Hilary and Bernie are hashing the same old crap. Baby Dixie (kitten) is napping in her cat tree, stretched out and happy to have been found by her rescue parents. I do believe we’re happy here. I sure am. I sit at the little round dining table with tulips centerpiece. Bright light streams in because it snowed a bit last night, and the sun reflects from it. My coffee is strong and hot. I’m still losing weight each week and feeling better and better since being off the hormone cream Dr #1 had given me (that’s a whole other blog idea). 

I’m a newlywed (4 months) and am blessed to have had two wonderful men in my life. Also two wonderful extended families. My current two step children, Crystal and Davy, are delights. My two kids, Sarah and Ben are my heart. I have smart, funny, cute grand babies who make my life fuller. I have a best friend, Leslie, whom I know will be by my side for anything. 

There is one negative; the cat box contains “Yesterday’s News” litter. It’s tightly bound paper that is shaped into pellets. There is no real odor control and no clumping. It’s because baby Dixie has been declawed and needs it for a few days. So, the smell near that bedroom is not always pleasant if I haven’t caught it in time. LOL

Well, it’s time to unpack some more. I’m sore in my legs and lower back but I carry on so I get these boxes emptied.  It feels good to be happy again after 7 years of depression, worries, and emotional abuse from a loser boyfriend (no, not my current spouse). 😉 Have a good week, folks, and stay warm! Love to you all ~

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Rules For Happiness . . .

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I have had an unparalleled 2015. There have been so many changes that I sometimes feel I’ve been in a dream state.

Changes I’ve experienced this past year are below. After those, are my experiences on how I gained some “real” happiness in life.

2015, January began with my being unemployed for the second month. I’d been a mortician for a year but, because of stress-related depression, had to quit the job I’d trained for extensively.

February brought the realization that I HAD to get out of a mentally abusive romantic relationship. I had to finally completely break off with this man and ended up having to get an Order of Protection from him -issued by the county court so the ex-boyfriend couldn’t get within 100 yards of me. After 4 slashed tires and numerous times I saw him stalking me, multiple texts over a short period of time, and parking in front of my house to intimidate me, I had to protect myself. We were officially over but my mind still held paranoia, fear, and anxiety over his possible presence. Changing the locks on the house just didn’t erase those feelings.                                                                                                                                  March began an unexpected chain of events that would forever change my life. A week before I celebrated my 51st birthday, I met David. It was intended as nothing but an innocuous dinner date to get me out of the house one Sunday evening. That meeting turned into a movie afterward and another date the next day. I had just broken up with a scary stalker. I was NOT looking for another serious relationship.

Over the next few months – April, May – David and I were always together. We couldn’t bear to be apart. Our personalities, goals, and morals were identical. He was eight years older than I and full of humor, sincerity, generosity, and affection. I had hit the jackpot this time. Never had I known this type of relationship. We had much in common and were quite attracted to each other. We shared respect and a thankfulness to finally find someone who would be honest, faithful, and loving (among other traits). We had discussions of possible marriage in our future – which was unbelievable since we had each told the other on our first date that we’d never wish to re-marry.  Never say never. God will show you otherwise.

June was a month of seriously tossing around the idea of marriage. We had spent every day and evening together since our second date. The mutual love and dedication we felt was alien to us. We quickly developed a strong and deep bond. We were in a tornado of new feelings, changes, and complete joy. Every day, I woke to see that rugged face of the unique man who had captured my every sense.

July gave us promises and me an engagement ring. Life was among fluffy clouds, sun shining on our faces, and constant smiles.

August was a month of planning, decision-making on honeymoon options, and finding a dress for the wedding day.

September was the month of joining lives – physically and legally. I married David after knowing him a mere six months. I would never suggest such a step to a friend after knowing someone less than a year but this was an entirely different situation. All of our friends and family saw the rare bond David and I shared. We were finally happy. Really happy. October = our first Halloween together. November = our first Thanksgiving together. December = our first Christmas together

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Now, it is January of a new year. David and I have been inseparable for over nine months and are still just as in love, just as entertained by each other, and just as sure we made the only decision that made sense . . . to join our lives and share adventures that lie ahead – together.  We’ve not once considered being with any other partner. We’ve found our “other half.”

To be happy . . .  ~ Free your heart from hatred, guilt, or resentment. ~Free your mind from worries and unnecessary stress. ~Live Simply. ~ Give more. ~ Expect less

I had to let go of deep guilt I carried over breaking up my previous (and only) marriage. I finally let my long-carried stress go. I think time passing and not encountering the ex-stalker, plus feeling secure and loved by David, allowed me to finally wake up one morning, have coffee, eggs, and go right back to bed. I was exhausted physically and mentally. This lasted almost a week. I couldn’t stay vertical for long before I needed to nap or just lie down. It was my relaxation after 7 years of built up stresses over money, relationships, unsure future, fighting Major Depressive Disorder with med after med that didn’t work, and gaining sixty pounds from stress eating. The following months brought me to enjoy simplifying my life. I donated much to local charities, and I sent the larger items to auction. I love not being surrounded by nick knacks that collect dust and grab my attention.                                                                                                                             I had often volunteered to deliver meals to hungry senior citizens and to teach adults how to read and write English. David, being retired, dedicated his time volunteering to helping veterans through his local American Legion. When you give, you don’t have time to think about “self.” That is a good feeling.                                                                                                                      Finally, when I learned to expect less from surroundings, pets, and people, I began feeling satisfied with this imperfect life. If we all do the best we can with what we have to offer, that is enough.

May your 2016 be full of happiness . . .

 

 

 

 

Curve Balls – Expect the Unexpected

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Why does life throw unexpected curve balls when you’re sitting comfortably in the bleachers, minding your business, enjoying a plump hot dog – then, BOOM! The ball has too much curve and bonks you in the head.

We never expect the unexpected. Why is that? It always comes, doesn’t it? Life is not perfect. Never will be – no matter how much we change our circumstances or behaviors.

I’m feeling like pouring a half-glass of wine . . . then drinking what’s left in the bottle.

Blending families is hard. Even when the “kids” are all grown. I thought by choosing an older mate and by ensuring our children were adults and on their own would allow us to focus on our own lives and enjoy- each other. That’s not how things always work.

One day, “things” change, and in creeps resentment like a legless zombie. Behind it – anger peeks around corners. Life begins to change.

Merging families. How do people do it every day in the United States? Doesn’t it exhaust everyone involved? Especially those with young kids involved.

I wish I could remove the heaviness from my spouse’s eyes and the grief from his chest. Not everything has a “fix,” I guess.

I’m tired, disappointed, confused. I hope you, my couple hundred blog followers, have found ways to blend your families and live fulfilling lives. XO