I never thought of myself as a perfectionist or a liar . . . but I was. I was usually an all or nothing type of person. I couldn’t stay perfect on my diets, so I’d give up until I could start over the next day, the next Monday, or the next month. It was like I was on a stationary bike, riding hard but going nowhere. Plus, I was frustrated and angry most of the time. I felt like a big fat failure.
One day, I saw my actions for what they were – human nature. I never lived up to the standards I made for myself. It was exhausting. So, I re-thought my path to reach the goals I set. No more being down on myself for natural falls or not being 100% all the time. It’s such a pleasant change to just give myself a break – to say, “It’s ok. I stumbled but will keep at it.”
However, actually doing this mental decision in my daily life was and is tough. Yesterday, I ate 220 calories over my goal because I chose chocolate candy after lunch. It still bothers me that I ate a sugary, unhealthful snack and also threw a wrench in my calorie allotment for the day, but I’m not quitting my eating-healthfully program. I’m not bingeing like I once would. So, I stumbled. I’m moving on. I’m getting a bit used to this imperfection stuff. It feels pretty good, too. I’m still down 6 pounds, and it’s slow going, but I’m learning.
My non-scale victories for the week were not berating myself and not giving up on my goal. I also took a multivitamin each day.
I’ve had a rough day today, so far. Mentally, I want to eat for some reason, but I haven’t had anything but coffee because I’m not physically hungry. It’s a very strange combination. I am being honest with myself, though, and not trying to hide my actions. This keeps me from the binges and most of the poor choices in meals.
I’ve realized that this issue with food will be a lifetime struggle. I’m in my fifties, short, not super active, and have had a hysterectomy, so my metabolism is sluggish. I don’t exercise per se because I’m still too large and get out of breath too easily (I also have asthma). So, for now, I just get as much physical exercise as I can doing housework and running errands.
It’s almost summer. That reminds me of my past and drinking a large Sonic slush each afternoon because it was cold and kept the hundred degree days at bay. I looked up the calorie amount in a large slush. It’s 470! That is a third of my daily allowance.
So, my imperfections are something I need to accept and the fact that I need to log my intake of foods and beverages daily is obvious.
It’s time to be real about my problem with food and tackle it the best I can. It’s time to get honest or get fatter.