I chose a seal as my opening photo today because I feel like a seal today. I lumber around with a limp because I pulled a hip muscle at work. Never mind the knee injury I was already nursing.
I have 100 pounds to lose but won’t actually “do” it. It’s not because I don’t know how or that I have no willpower. I realized (while driving in rush hour traffic) just why I don’t lose these many extra pounds. It blindsided me when I was thinking about the dysfunctional relationship I have with my boyfriend and how I wanted to change my life.
The reason I won’t lose weight is because when I’m thinner, I get a lot of attention from men, and I’m not always good at handling that attention. I SAY I’d love to try it! However, deep inside my mind I know that the last time I was thinner I didn’t handle it well at all. I won’t go into it but my behavior was erratic.
So, now that I know why I sabotage my diets, I can do something about it. I need to trust myself and know that I can and will be just as strong of a woman no matter what my size. My health is suffering greatly right now. I want to start a video blog . . . a vlog . . . on YouTube. I just moved into a new house, though, and need time to get settled before learning the new camera and tripod I bought recently.
Here’s to being present in my own life. To living in the moment. To health.
(Plus, I’m still a member of Weight Watchers online. May as well use it. LOL)