Someone recently asked me, “So, what is your 5-year plan?”
I remember just staring at him, not having an answer that pleased me. I shrugged my shoulders and half-smiled. We parted ways but his question stayed with me. What WAS my 5-year plan?”
I suppose I have plans but just don’t think that far ahead because I’ve been in the last year of college and working like a dog to finish. If I look up for long, I tend to lose my place and have to take extra time to find it again. So, I keep my head down and plug away at the homework, classes, and tests. I’ll get there. I graduate in 2 1/2 months. That’s all – about 10 weeks. I can do this. I keep telling myself that. All the while, I’ve dropped back into depression, gotten back on a mood med, and quit my new job. I’m keeping my head down, though, and only looking up long enough to watch where I’m heading.
I take the first of two portions of the National Board Exam (I’m in mortuary school) in about a week. I don’t think I’ll ever feel “ready,” though. It’s expensive if I have to retake it, too – like hundreds of dollars per section. 😦 Pressure, stress, anxiety, insomnia, and worry have been my companions for a couple of months now. I’m ready for it to be over. I want to enjoy life again. I want to read for pleasure again. But, yuck, I’ll have to get a job. Job should be a four-letter word! I want to travel instead.
So, what is my 5-year plan? To finish school, pass the exams, serve my year’s apprenticeship and become fully licensed as a funeral director and embalmer. Then, the other 3 1/2 years? I suppose my goal is to get very good at my job – knowledgeable and well-paid for it. Ha!
I try to take things a day at a time these days. Later I’ll consider what my future might look like.