“When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore!” Dean Martin sang about how new love felt. Falling in love is magical, isn’t it? We just KNOW this time is THE time. THIS person is THE person. And he/she may be – for a particular time in your life.
Love doesn’t always last, and its retreat can leave us bewildered, confused or downright depressed (Laura Schaefer, Why We Fall Out of Love).
I was married for 25 years, and most of those years were happy ones. However, upon being jolted from my walking slumber (when my daughter moved out of the family home), I realized that my marriage was something I didn’t like very much.
Without going into a bunch of details, which will bore you, I’ll share my experience. My then-husband was the man of my dreams when I married him (I wasn’t even 19 yet). We were good for each other and raised two super children together. However, as time passed and WE CHANGED, our marriage changed.
Here’s the big answer: People change over time. They may not change enough to warrant divorce, as I did. But, about half the population divorces, so SOMEthing’s changing in these relationships.
I don’t think I gave up too easily, as several may say. I just know when a ship is sinking. Why feed a dying entity? Yes, it was extremely painful to say good-bye to my lifetime friend and companion. But now, four years later, I’m in a loving relationship with an affectionate and funny man. I’m finishing school to do the one profession I’ve always wanted to do. And I’ve relocated to a city that offers lots of goodies. I’m also not as far from my son or parents. Life’s good.
I admit, I was a zombie for about two years. I flunked out of college twice, developed severe depression (which I still fight), and “lost” those many months of productivity, as I lived on my divorce settlement. I wish I hadn’t had to do that.
So, I know why people fall out of love – they change! Change is part of every person’s life. We all know that. Of course, if a spouse cheats or otherwise neglects the other, that’s a valid reason to drift apart, but I don’t call it a mystery that many people fall out of love. It’s unfortuate, but it’s a fact.
(Spread the love, my friends. We all need some)