My White Picket Fence

What happens if you find your fairytale world damaged? Your white picket fence isn’t keeping out life’s pains? Have you ever been walking along and not see a step-down, and you almost fall because of it? You can’t hide from missteps. They’ll find you every time.

The picket fence visual came to me this evening as I was thinking about my empty nest for the last few years. I don’t have to deal with a mere empty nest, though. I had to leave papa bird in the nest, and I flew away forever. Papa was left with the empty nest. He must have been devastated at losing his wife of 25 years and his children – to their own lives.

Why is life so unpredictable at times? Just when I think I have it figured out, I get wholloped again. It’s been a few years. My ex seems to be doing well enough. Still, I can’t get over the guilt of my leaving him so abruptly and cruely.

How are my kids coping? Both have college degrees, are married, and are expecting their first children. They are thriving. My ex and I raised exceptional people.

What am I doing, besides feeling guilty still? I fight depression, but take a pill to curb the really low parts. I stay busy with school or a job, so I don’t find boredom, and then depression.

So, sometimes Empty Nest Syndrome isn’t just the kiddos moving on to college. Sometimes, it’s the entire family coming unglued.  I hope  none of my readers experience this kind of upheaval. I’m years removed and still suffering.

My coping skill for today has been to stay in the moment. Live each moment. Don’t think back, look at old photos, etc. It worked well enough. Each day, I try to use a coping skill that might fit that mood.

My next semester doesn’t begin for 33 days. Grrrr! I hate too much alone time!

Is your picket fence a bit damaged? Maybe life didn’t work out quite as you had hoped? I understand, dears, and I love you.

 

 

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One thought on “My White Picket Fence

  1. Well. 25 years is a long time. You are grieving and if we are honest your children are grieving too. Obviously, life wasn’t a fairy-tale or you would have never left.. Maybe life compared today makes the previous life look fairytale(ish). I doubt that but, life is so very different for you today and while the freedom is wonderful it’s still hard to be alone.

    Obviously, I don’t know all the details..

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