I have come to the conclusion that I’ll never have proper closure of my divorce. I don’t know why I expected it, really. How many divorced people find adequate closure (i.e. answers to why, when, how)? It’s been 3 1/2 years since I moved out of my now-ex-husband’s home. He and I are hugely less communicative than we were when the shit first hit the fan. Go figure!
Time doesn’t necessarily heal. It also estranges. Time can foster resentment. I realize I’ll never know why my ex won’t have a friendship with me. Yes, I am the one who left the marriage and was the first to break our promise of faithfulness after we’d decided on divorce. However, I did deceive when I moved out. I was too fearful to tell the truth. Sad time.
That was so long ago, and I was very different. Today, I’m on hormone therapy and an antidepressant. Plus, my life has a plan. I know where my goals are and how to reach them. So, why can’t I get the answers from my ex-husband that I so desire? Maybe it’s one way he can have the final upper hand. I’ll live with that. I’ll have to.
He has put all of the blame for our split squarely on my shoulders. He accepts no guilt for the failed union. THAT is bullcrap. But, whatever. I’m good.
Divorce is like dealing with a living death of sorts. It keeps causing me grief, even though it is over. It won’t actually die!
I hope my readers will respond publicly and share your experiences. I need your insight. If nothing else, I need to know I’m not in this boat alone.