Do you believe the claims that there are several different “love languages?” I’d never put much thought into it until I realized my marriage was over. Not that knowing the different ways people process and show love was foreign to me. Of course I noticed that.
After being married for a quarter of a century, I concluded that there was no changing my spouse’s innate qualities. He would never be demonstrative, impulsive, affectionate, or have a positive attitude. If I wanted to be happy in my own skin, I had to make the break.
There are supposedly 5 Love Languages (according to author, Gary Chapman). He says we should speak our spouse’s love language if we are to be effective communicators. An example might be if my husband regularly takes out the trash, puts the lid down on the toilet after he uses it, puts his dirty laundry in the hamper and not on the floor, etc, then he is showing his love by actions that make my life easier. However, I couldn’t care less if the clothes were in the hamper if I never get a kiss, a stroke of soft hand to my face, or an invitation to the bedroom.
Do you see our differences in love language? It never made things easier, though. I never felt loved like I needed to feel. Husband wasn’t comfortable showing me love in the manner I desired. It would have been “fake” or “forced” for him to do so.
So, why does Mr Chapman tell us to communicate in our spouse’s particular love language instead of telling us to choose someone who speaks our OWN language in the first place? ‘Another example – I wouldn’t marry a German-speaking man. We would have great difficulties in communication. In love or not, our lives would be stressed and likely unhappy in the end.
So, are you one who shows love by Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Acts of Service, or Physical Touch?
Check out Mr Chapman’s book, if you are interested in hearing more. It’s a good read. Fosters tolerance if nothing else.