I was looking over past journal entries and found interesting statements. I thought I’d share a few with you.
Empty nest syndrome was more like an Empty Nest Breakdown for me. That’s when my mind changed. It just sort of clicked and I was a different lady. I ran away from home. Well, I left husband and our family home without being able to explain why in hell I was doing it. I found plenty of things in need of repair in our marriage, but still had to leave. (Very sad time in my life. Feelings of desperation. Very glad to be over that).
Today, I skipped college classes and stayed in bed all day. The depression is settling in like a light fog. Soon, it will blanket me within its blackness. Then, I either have a period or I don’t. I’ve had PMS/depression for weeks at a time. (Wow! Reading how bad off I was makes me even more thankful for feeling better. Seeing doctors and taking different meds until I found the “right” one is worth it all).
I don’t know if I am in need of hormone balancing, treatment for bi-polar (which I think my dad had), or someone to deliver food and toilet paper, so I don’t have to ever leave the house again. (Again, very sad time for me. I literally didn’t get up to pee until I almost burst).
I was awake for three days in a row with only a total of two hours of sleep in those three days. I was a zombie. (THIS was the second scariest time since my divorce. I was awake for SEVENTY HOURS!)
Must I keep denial and fear for the rest of my life? Will I ever feel secure on my own? (I wanted to end this post here because I AM feeling less fearful and more in control of myself. I do feel secure on my own. Things are looking up, friends)!