Bi-polar Bear

Y’know . . . I’ve been floundering for years, wondering why I wasn’t “myself.” I tried anxiety meds, antidepressnts, and bagan to abuse wine (caught myself there). Nothing was really working. I never felt like myself. Sometimes, I’d feel “okay.” Mostly I was depressed and juset didn’t care about anything. The depression worsened until I didn’t get out of bed for days at a time.

Now, thanks to a talented and observant psychiatrist, I’m on meds used for bipolar patients, and they are working! Today is day 2 for me in feeling NORMAL. I can’t tell you how important that is. I could barely even remember what normal was.

I’ve realized that this disorder isn’t going away. I’ll have to deal with it for the rest of my life. I am still grieving the loss of my health. Y’know?

I see Lithium printed on the side of my med bottle and want to cry. Pus a mood stabilizer? What the crap is that? 2 mg of Xanax just to sleep at night? UGH!!!!!

So, this post is dedicated to the sadly forgotten Care Bear, the Bipolar Bear (see him above). Spread the word, dear blue nut. Spread the word.

(XO. Love y’all.)

 

11 thoughts on “Bi-polar Bear

  1. If it’s working, that’s awesome! Remember, it’s just a label, it doesn’t have to define you! My kids jokingly call me their “Bipolar Momma Bear”….it’s actually quite endearing :)

    1. I am trying to remember that labels are only used to arrange the proper courses of treatment. I am not my bipolar. I merely juggle the disorder. I refuse to let it win! Night night, Mama Bear!! :)

      1. Awesome! I love your attitude! Every day I stomp my foot and say, “I will not let you control my life!” I’m glad I have another soldier doing the same thing!

  2. What moorestorms said! I’m glad the meds are helping you feel better. It does suck as a diagnosis, and sometimes it will feel like the end of the world, but at least it’s an answer to your “what is wrong with me” question. Now you can arm yourself with more knowledge and tools to combat the beast. BTW, a consistent sleep-wake pattern is one of the best of those. Took me years to establish one, because many bipolar people don’t have one (or it’s flipped), but I am now a morning person. XO

    1. Well, hello, Lisa! I feel like telling everyone “nice to meet you,” since I’ve not been quite “myself” here til now. LOL
      I was confused when this great new psych said that my long periods spent at the two poles (hypomanic or depressed) was actually textbook, and that the rapid cycling and more “often” changers are more of a new phenomenon.
      Dang, I spent 20 months flitting around like a butterfly and another 20-some months getting more and more depressed.
      NOW, (drum roll, please), I went to a doc and got proper medical help, and here I am!! Functioning just as I always did. Yee-Haw!
      Lisa, I’m even sleeping more soundly and for longer periods.

      1. So pleased to meet the real you! And also so pleased these new meds are workng such wonders for you. Especially glad to hear you’re sleeping better, because quality sleep is so important. Keep up the good work, sweetie!

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